[D1RT]

i'm going to louisiana... and you better believe i'm baking cookies.

ok so let me get this straight...

tsunami hits asia = worldwide relief fundraising, george clooney and his band of hollywood gypsys raising awareness and u2 benefit concerts.

category 5 hurricane hits america = no one cares, tom cruise remains mentally fucking retarted and the rolling stones are still planning to do another reunion tour.

double you tee eff.

i'm going.

packing my bags.

i've got a FOOLPROOF "get-rich-quick-in-the-wake-of-a-natural-disaster" plan.. and it's not the ever so 90's price gouging.. i mean hello? can you say cliche?

boring!

..i'm gonna get all my shoes... and dry clothing... pack up alot of sun chips, skittles, pot, newports and bawls and head to louisiana..

i will roll into the heart of new orleans, cranking lamb of god at an obnoxious level... angering the population of predominantly black people who were obviously told by the government that hurricanes can go up to a category 10... screwed by the man again. fuckin crackers.

while all the retards who apparently thought "mandatory evacuation" isn't nearly as important as it sounds are looting supermarkets for food, i'll be looting the music shop. getting all the recording gear i need to leave all you bastards behind me.

i'll be just like moby... only good.

i'll be rich.

i'll start wearing leather pants.

and partying with people who appear in tabloid magazines. doing coke off tiffany-amber theissen's ass. i'll become bisexual and start speaking with a british accent. saying things like "ciao" and "kisses". attending bbq's with porn stars that wear nothing but silk robes and fluffy pink slippers. getting late night phone-sex calls from pat roberts. reciting the kabala on cue.. you guys'll all be sorry.

and it will all be thanks to jesus christ taking his wrath out on a sinful, hethenistic city...

..and a little thing called tragedy.

on a side note, if you are male and listen to Jack Johnson, you are a candidate for cancer in your asshole because guys fuck you there.

Posted by dirt at August 31, 2005 03:13 AM