your version of the truth.
women are lying, cheating, self absorbed, flower scented airheads.
they were put on earth to feed me poached eggs in decorative little cups.
it was a huge mistake to have thought any one could be any different.
okay maybe that's not totally true....
i prefer scrambled eggs, bitch.
cue epiphany.
realizing this, from now on, i will be the biggest asshole ever. you may ask yourself, "how could you possibly be a bigger asshole then you allready are?"
i plan to answer that right now.
from now on...
- i will sport a swastika tattoo on my face and underneath it, it will say "give peace a chance"
- i will wipe my ass on every dollar i leave for a tip to every scum-cunt section 8 waitress that crosses my path.
- i will carry with me a box of bavarian creme donuts. i will no longer say the word "hello" to any woman, instead, when i want to greet them, i will pull out a donut and shoot the creme in their fucking eye.
- i will also sport a tattoo on my neck that is written in cursive. it doesn't even matter what it will say.
- i will never wash my hands after i piss all over them in a drunken attempt to clear my blatter at a bar.. when i leave the bathroom, i will dig a pretzel out of the very bottom of every basket on the bar. i will also go out of my way to meet girls and seal our obvious plutonic friendship with a hearty handshake.
- i will put it in their butt when they arent expecting it. when they turn around to inquire about the strange new sensation, i will spray them in the eyes with mace.
- i will go to trendy clubs and stab girls with my boner while they dance to crappy house music.
- any girl i date will have their "heavy flow" tampons switched with their "breezy autumn afternoon" ones.
- i will point out a camel toe EVERY TIME I SEE ONE.
- i will use them for whatever i can untill i have the opportunity to fuck their sister. then the cycle will start again.
- i will do whatever i can to fuck their heads up worse than their abusive, rapist, and/or alchoholic father did. that is my goal in life.
Posted by dirt at October 9, 2005 05:04 AMfan fucking tastic!
Posted by: lauren at October 9, 2005 10:35 AM- i will put it in their butt when they arent expecting it. when they turn around to inquire about the strange new sensation, i will spray them in the eyes with mace.
oh how i love this comment. I know i'm a woman and i should hate it, but it made me laugh. Good job ya jackass!
You're gonna make some lucky little lady very happy one day...
Posted by: Sarah at October 9, 2005 12:34 PMtut tut... one must keep being an "asshole" a secret if one is to score big with dumb whores.
remember that.
Posted by: put a spigot in that fat budha at October 9, 2005 01:13 PM