[D1RT]

since it's so fucking fashionable

i'm sitting in a red velvet-like chair. i am drinking some sort of dark red wine. could be sangria. (it's probably shiraz)

i take a seemingly endless draw of my cigarette... inside could be pot. (it's probably shwag)

i want to tell you a story... a story of love lost.. . a story of valentine's day. a story about an almond. a story of the almond that changed my life forever.

it was 4th grade. or 5th. something like that.

it was Valentine's day in Somers Point... i know what you're thinking... that's kind of like Christmas time in Hollis, Queens. indeed it is... but, instead of my mother cooking turkey and collard greens, she is bitching. and i am cooking up love....

having a dad that's a florist has it's advantages and disadvantages.. i have access to free flowers, little candies, stuffed animals and decorative light houses. what could be better with the ladies? conversely, i live in a pink house and have to hear "your dad's a florist" from people all the time. so it's a gift and a curse.

this year my father has a surplus of hershey kisses and decides to give me enough of them to kill a malaysian village of diabetic children. half regular hershey kisses, the other half the (at the time) brand new, gold foil annointed almond hershey kisses.

he says "maybe you should take some of them in to your class at school"

a light went off in my head. an idea has been formulated... a brilliant idea...

"i can throw these at that arab kid that has seizures." i thought.

sweet. so i gather a bunch of the plain kisses up and put them in a bag, ready to bring them to school... i throw one almond kiss in the bag for myself, considering them precious due to their gold foil wrappings.

"no need to give the almond ones away" i selfishly thought.

i'm off to school, mom still bitching about something, youthful energy pulsating through me, and visions of the arab kid having a seizure on the basketball court dancing in my head...

i walk into school and sit down.. i sit down next to the girl i've had a crush on since i came to this school. a girl with excellent hair and these things in her shirt that kinda resembled titties. we'll call her megan... because that was her name.

"hey nick", she said with a smile.

"hi megan", i replied, in a moment of prepubescent bliss.

maybe i'll ask her out today... do you think she'd say yes? i know she used to date that dude josh... he's a fucking tool. maybe she'll let me put my fingers in her box? that would be cool.. in a moment of unusual courage i decided to make a move..

"hey megan, would you lik-"

"Nick, are those candies for the class?" my fat, rotten cunt of a teacher barked with no regard to the fact i was speaking to someone "bring them up here and hand them out"

as i stood up to bring the candy up front, ANOTHER idea came to me.. i cant just ask this girl out up-front. i'm artsy, intelligent, unique... i need a special way of pervaying my feelings to this girl... something creative and borderline vague.. i gaze down at my bag of kisses... one gold kiss on the top of a sea of silver plain blah-ness...

"i'll give her the only gold hershey kiss" i thought to myself

fucking brilliant! it's like having your cake and eating it, too! i can show her just enough of my emotional, romantic side to spark her interest... in a way that, without confronting me, she could never just assume was intentional, therefore rendering me virtually immune to scrutiny!

i start handing out the kisses, too shy to make eye contact with ANYONE, let alone her.

im giving every person one, thats all they get. fuck them. these are my kisses. none of these people have to deal with having a florist for a father, thus none of them can reap the rewards. none except that beautiful, intelligent, soon to be penetrated, wonderful girl. it comes time to give her the candy...

i walk up..

BOOM, gold candy on desk

an army radio communication goes off in my head... "GOLD KISS DOWN, I REPEAT, GOLD - KISS - DOWN"

i dont even look at her, i continue handing out kisses thinking about what an awesome and creative person i am.. i am SURE to get a date with this girl... this is it... nick, you've outdone yourself... your fingers are going to house a smell that they have never housed before.. you have finally done something right.

i finish handing out the candy and look up just in time to see megan...

gorgeous megan and her beautiful face...

just before she chokes on the fucking almond and dies right there in class.

and if that wasn't enough to scar me for life, she shit herself when she died.

ahh... love lost.

Posted by dirt at February 15, 2006 03:54 PM