[D1RT]

THIS IS THE CHURCH. THIS IS THE STEEPLE. OPEN UP THE DOOR, HERE'S THIS DOUCHE BAG.

there is a man, we all know and love.. a man who has a penchant for exploiting douchebaggery to the masses..

that man is me.

one of my biggest shortcomings is my explosive temper toward those who attempt to belittle or appear "better than" me or my closest friends... though very few of my friends would extend the same mindless loyalty back to me, for one reason or another, i still do it.

does that make me a good friend? sure. does that make me a huge asshole? certainly... does that make up for many of my other failures as both a friend and a human being? maybe....

but, that's not why i do it.

i do it because you will listen to what i have to say... and if you have something to say about it, you should bask in the 30 minutes of hubris you will feel prior to me seeing it and ripping you a new asshole.

so this is to you, you fake ass, untalented, preachy, insecure little 4 inch prick of a human...

...and before you say it, you're right, this is absolutely none of my business... but if you take a gander to my empty hand, youw ill see that my "care cup" is dry as a bone.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND

Meet The Rev. Matt Something Or The Other

this incredibly huge prick (figuratively speaking, of course), is best described as an archetype i have named "Marc Jacobs Faithful".

the "Marc Jacobs Faithful" archetype is the kind of person that, for one reason or another, wears religion like it's an accessory... like it's chanel earings, or a luis vuitton purse.. you can tell these people by their incessant need to preach (or on the internet, link) to people all their bullshit beliefs, just so they can seem "holier-than-thou". often times, these people have the most to mask, thus creating a costume of faithful, almost mindless, bliss to hide behind.

this fucking dweeb is married to a person that i have recently met and interacted with at various social functions. she's a nice girl, who is obviously very pure and in my opinion, the exact opposite of the "Marc Jacobs Faithful" archetype.

this girl is an unbelievably nice girl.. i say unbelievably, because i was not aware that there were people of that caliber of kindness left in the world. it doesn't take much longer than 5 minutes of her presence to understand what i mean.

she had developed a quote un-quote relationship with a good friend of mine, we'll call him "bomwat". a totally appropriate relationship without even the slightest hint of infidelity.

enter the douche.

since everyone's life is documented on myspace these days, this "beef" was no different... douchebag sends bomwat a message, that he obviously took 3 hours to write, rewrite, spell check and basically dress up, as to make himself appear intelligent and valid, basically telling him that he needs to stay away from his wife.

thats fine, and i can almost understand that... but his reasoning you ask?

bomwat is full of hate and is a bad influence on her. you see, he proudly proclaims that he and his wife live their lives strictly through the greatest fictional story of all time, The Bible. in the letter, he whines about her "spending way too much time on the internets" and how "he totally trusts her" and that "she had reconnected with all of her old friends from high school, and that took away from the 'balance' that was in place before".. in other words, she took a little bit of her attention away from him and he wants to cry like a fucking bitch.

i'll spare you the actual letter, as i have alot of words i want to spend bashing this fuckface cockmaster and dont need to mix them up with such bullshit. I probably wouldnt be involved in this if he hadnt gotten all preachy, and made sweeping generalizations about the people in bomwat and i's band, because we arent idiots like him (ie. we question the presence of any higher power.. especially the one he's currently in bed with, untill he switches teams for whatever the new "trendy" religion is)

now, i could sit here and go point for point on everything this coward had to say about jeff... i mean bomwat... everything he had to say about his intentions and all the little mainstream bible quotes he sent him, but i'm not going to do that...

you see, that would be way too mature and intelligent.

instead, let's go through the myspace cycle (reference: Will The Real MIKE UY Please Stand Up?) and make fun of him.

but please, let this also serve as a lesson in faith. the things outlined in this blog are fact. these things, his "reality" so to speak, is the same "reality" that every brainwashed idiot church fag shares. basically, when you fall into the ranks of the church folk, you give up your identiy and adopt one that is eerily similar to this one... and that my friends, is the definition of lame.

lets begin....

TO BE CONTINUED

Posted by dirt at May 6, 2006 11:07 PM