[D1RT]

OK, I GET IT.. YOU WORK AT A SHITHOLE BURGER JOINT

if you get the opoortunity to visit 5 Guys Hamburgers And Peanuts in Somers Point, NJ.... stab the bitch that offers up that dumb idea.

I walk in the door with sagien.. I am baked out of my mind and plan to order a burger and sit down and eat it.

the second i walk in i'm getting screamed at by some fucking dude that is apparently very happy that I decided to eat a burger in his place of work.

"WELCOME TO 5 GUYS!" , 3 to 4 peons exclaim in my face from behind the counter.

thanks. i saw the sign. i know exactly where i am, everyone.

at this point i am completely off balance. why is this guy yelling at me?

i approach the counter, making eye contact with no one.. not because i'm anti-social, but because everyone is screaming.

"ORDER TWEEEEEEEEENTY SEVEEEENNN! TWEEENTY SEEVEN!"

i see that i am not the only person being screamed at.

"WELCOME TO 5 GUYS" screams the person behind the cash register.

"I feel very welcome, thank you, please stop yelling at me. I want a cheeseburger, fries, and a coke."

"ORDER UP!!"

"ORDER UP!!", some other asshole barks back to acknowledge the fact that the piece of paper placed 3 feet from his fucking face was, in fact, an order.

sagien orders his food and we sit down to wait for our take-out.

but wait, didnt you say you were going to sit and eat?

i did, but all the fucking yelling made me teeter on the border of wanting to hit somebody and just wanting to leave this place as soon as possible.. seriously, you dont yell like that unless you are hitting or plan to be hitting someone in the near future. i felt threatened.

so through the fog of marijuana, i settle myself in a decide it's time to look around.. as i havent looked at anything since being verbally assaulted the second i walked in the door.

peanuts and peanut shells everywhere.

all over the floor. theres a tiny bucket of peanuts on every table and in case thats not enough, theres a huge bag of them (which i can only assume to be a "bushell") by the front door.

good move putting the peanuts right next to the entrance... this way, the class-level is well established right away.

"ORDER THIRTYYYY SEVENNNNN. THIIIIIIRRRRRRTYYY SEEEEEVVEEEEEN"

thats me... now at this point, i feel like kicking someone in the face... and its gonna be the hairy-faced pleeb that is yelling louder than everyone else.

not that you could distinguish which person i'm talking about by just that description.. as they are all unshaven and dirty looking... and handling my food.

bonus.

so i ascertain my sandwhich from the dwarf bastard nazi behind the counter and he yells something about the other order (sagien's) coming right up. i get my drink and sit back down at the table.

i verbally announce to sagien my stance, that these people all need to get the shit kicked out of them untill they shut the fuck up. he laughs.

"THIIIIIRTYYY EIIIIIIGHTTT! THIIIIIIIRTYYY EIIIIIIIIGHT!"

ok.

dude, i just talked to you. i know the next orders coming up and its sagiens. I AM FULLY FUCKING AWARE OF THIS.

i realize that this retaurant obviously was originally from boston or chicago, or some whack-job fucking town where it is imperative to throw fish at the customer instead of walking it over to them or scream at everyone that walks in... but it is not acceptable in New Jersey.

it is not fun, free-spirited or showing me that your 8 dollar burgers are any better than the 1 dollar cheeseburgers from McDonalds.

walk into any McDonalds... youll be lucky if you get fragments sans ebonics, let alone complete sentences. the people that work there are worried about getting crack, selling crack, or fucking a fat white girl.

i dont want to walk into a restaurant where everyone is having fun and yelling and running around... i am miserable at work. i hate my job and my life.

i expect you to feel the same, or at least make an effort to not fucking yell at me when i enter.

imagine, say, a nurse being that excited... "HELLO MISTER DIRT! I CANT WAIT TO CLEAN YOUR FECES AND VOMIT FROM THE FLOOR AND YOUR PILLOW!"

i would find that very disturbing.

"THANKS FOR CHOOSING 5 GUYS! ENJOY YOUR FOOD!!!!", i somewhat hear as i quickly walk out the door.

jesus christ.

Posted by dirt at January 4, 2007 11:02 AM