[D1RT]

omfg stfu you're not supporting the troops? rofl!

ROFL @ THAT LIKE OMG.

anyway, ISSF is back up.. We weren't able to blog for a few days due to ShftLft's move to San Diego

i don't know if that san diego link works.. I just figured sandiego.com existed.

honestly i don't even know if i spelled diego correctly..

let me know how it turns out.

... dude if "The String Cheese Incident" was there... I would TOTALLY support the troops bro...

ok..

so..

i'm watching fox news, regarding a concert put on by Sean Hannity at Six Flags in NJ... Sean being the "right side" of the television show hannity and colmes... (in other words, he's the greater redneck)

he's cool and all.. but he's a typical republican who just bashes dem's all day and never focuses on the issues when they dont swing their way.. whatever.. i'm right in the center, i think both sides are retarted.

so he put on this show featuring leann rhymes and a bunch of other whiney ass country singing yokels... and they're interviewing all these people and there's one common theme..

"i'm just glad all these people are out to support the troops."

"the fact that this whole crowd came to Six Flags in New Jersey on a rainy day shows the leve of support they have for the troops"

"that guy fucking that antelope in the asshole in the john deere hat... and shirt... he is TOTALLY showing his support for the troops.."

my point?

NO ONE IS THERE FOR THE FUCKING TROOPS YOU DOLTS.

THEYRE THERE FOR REDNECK MUSIC.

there is not one person of color in the crowd. there is not one person that speaks like theyre from jersey. they all sounded southern... are you kidding me? all you people get together and suddenly new jersey turns into fucking Alabama? it's leann rhymes for christ sake... it's not even clint black or garth brooks or any hxc country singer...

i can't believe the stupidity of some people. who do you think you're kidding? either 1) you're are the biggest bullshitters in the world and you are able to adapt a southern accent IN NEW JERSEY after 20 minutes of hearing it. or 2) Sean Hannity flew all you dumb ass rednecks from Texas.

you make that choice.

if they were there to support the troops, why does leann rhymes have to play? couldnt she just go back home to resume getting porked by farm animals? why does it seem as though the focus isn't supporting the troops.. it appears that the focus is watching this slutbag gargle into a microphone.

...i don't even know where someone can get a cowboy hat in jersey... cowtown? thats the only place. what the fuck? i bet every person that resides there attended the show... it was probably a bad day to visit Cowtown.. just a bunch of mexicans that can hardly speak english running the show while everyone else is out at six flags watching 10 unknown country singers and Leann Rhymes.

bah...

dumb.

like omfg @ that.

ladies and gentlemen.. introducing... TAINTBALL!

taintball is my new sport.

it consists of teams of any number, playing against teams of the same number.

it uses standard paintball rules, but no matter how many times you're hit, you aren't out untill you get hit in the taint.

taintball.

you got a problem motherfucker?

let me take this time to tell all of you that it's time to comment.

i know you read my site.

i get crazy hits daily.

more than on my myspace... and that's impressive...

cuz i'm uber hawt and in a band.

but that aside,

some little anonymous faggot seems to think that I suck at web designing.. which, apparently is what i do.

i thought i just wrote stuff on a blog, but apparently i wrote MOVABLE TYPE.

Anywho, i don't know if you people are stalking me or what... I don't have any pics up here, i really don't talk about anything special.. just shit that spews from my cranium. I know that when i see random people at bars and other public establishments, they all say "hey, i read your blog everyday, it's fucking hilarious"... From people I didn't even know were stalking me on MYSPACE let alone here..

what i'm saying is...

fucking comment.

what the fuck. tell me i'm an asshole. i don't care. tell me i suck at writing... that's fine... but leave your email.

so i can send you pictures of your toothbrush up my ass.

TH3 TR3ND 1S D3AD.

In reality, the real word that is, we all rely on trends...

trends tell us what to wear, what to think, who to vote for, who to fornicate with, what to listen to, what to watch, what drugs we do, everything.

it's all a trend.

Blogging... is a trend..

Myspace... is a trend..

You're a trend.

...so in keeping up with the times, i've decided that due to my graphic mind and vengeful attitude, its time to put the slanderous banter to the side for a second while i introduce you to my dirtclaimer. it seems to be the trendy thing to do.. next to burning bridges with friends...

i'm good at that. in fact, i defy you to claim superiority.

but, as is true with most trends, i'm on it far too late to be considered unique.

oh well.

...also pickup "The Great Southern Trendkill" by Pantera if you didn't get the reference... and you probably didn't.

because you're teh lam3rrrrrrrz.

THE DIRTCLAIMER

The author, Dirt, owns all rights to everything written here.. Even if you wrote it. If you wrote it and it's funny, i will delete it and make a post revolving around it. Because I wrote it, not you.

If you are dumb enough to challenge me on any point i will flood your IP with all kinds of shit... I will send your mom naked pictures of me... Seriously.

I reserve the right to call you any form of any racial slur you've ever heard.. Occasionally I will call you the wrong racial slur... I do that because I can and no I didn't fuck up I meant to call you that.

No black people.

If you read my page, you will comment on it. What the fuck? If I could stroke my own ego to the point where i felt accomplished, I wouldn't have a blog.

I was kidding about the black people.. But DEFINITLY no Hatians.

Reading my blog gives me the right to say I slept with you to my friends.

Clicking my ad's is a good way to prove that you're clicking my advertisements because YOU WANT TO. Not because I TOLD YOU TO. Let's say I said something like "CLICK MY FUCKING ADS YOU CHEAP SHIT EATING BASTARDS SO I CAN MAKE MONEY", that would be a violation of my advertisors agreement...So I won't say it.. But what I will say is, if you don't i'll break your fucking legs... But ya know, if it interests YOU click on it.

Let's say your name has been used here in a demeaning way. Maybe you did me wrong and I wrote your full name, address, work schedule and recent nightmares on a post.. I RESERVE THE RIGHT to not give a fuck if you sue me. Seriously... I have nothing. Take it.

Faggots.

No homosexual slurs.

Posting on my blog is similar to posting on myspace or friendster or whatever the shit you dumb fuck kids are using... It leaves you open to people realizing that you're retarted. If you can't spell, don't post. If the you're your theory is an enigma to you.. Please... If you post, realize that I will point out your spelling mistakes.. And CHANCES ARE I will masturbate while i correct them.

And finally, If you piss me off, I will explode your taint like an A-Bomb.

Count It.

my review of "The Fast And The Bi-Curious", starring Vin Diesel

BRIAN: (reading instructions) Ok.. Insert Rod C into Slot B.
PETER: That's what sh-
BRIAN: Peter if you say "that's what she said" again i'm going to kill you.

the REAL peter griffin?

TOO FAST... TOO CURIOUS...

hahahaha.

anyway,

just a little update.

on me.

...and the money that i'm making off of mindless drones like yourselves, looking for a little ounce of comical insanity to escape the pains of your reality.

i've decided that this website is a SERVICE.

i'm basically a doctor.

this is a SERVICE and i should be COMPENSATED.

cha-ching bitch!

i have adopted a new, capitalistic attitude.

is capitalistic a word?

what i'm saying is, I am now a capitalist.

and what do capitalists do?

they advertise.

so click on my ads you ungrateful fuckholes and BUY THEIR PRODUCTS.

..on a serious note, i've pretty much bought all of that stuff, and it's all TOP QUALITY for a REASONABLE PRICE and I suggest you buy alot of it.

CLICK ON IT.

DO IT.

DO YOU WANT ME TO STARVE?

I'M LIVING IN POVERTY.

NIGGA I'M HUNGRY.

I NEED FOOD. AND COFFEE.

STARBUCKS.

VENTI SIZE.

...carmel mach' no whip.

SHUT UP.

...pay me.

hmm.. what would make america a better place?

...A PAULY SHORE REALITY SHOW.

watching pauly shore's reality is like watching pauly shore's movies...

pointless and similar to suffocating.

but thats america.. even complete and total crap can stand on a soapbox and scream "yea buuuuuuuuuuuddy"

when pondering the question, "what makes me so american?", i felt it was time to dig into the pre-ISSF archives and pull out something of (gasp) relevance.

-i eat crabs. i boil them alive while they scream and flip around. then i eat their insides... when i'm finished with the insides, i take the shells, gather them all up and piss on them. because i'm done with them.

-i know more jokes about your culture than you do. i stereotypically look down on you because of my perception of you... unless you're a girl.. then you exist primarily to suck my cock, cook my dinner, and make my children...children which i will not pay for after i cheat on you with your sister... even after that fat check from Springer.

-i drink coffee products that cost more than a happy meal. a happy meal that could probably feed 3 kids.... and entertain one for hours with the toy that comes with it... but since i'm american, i'd take the toy out and sell it on ebay before i give them the food..

-i listen to shitty political bands like rage against the machine, and think that i'm taking some sort of stand on something by doing this... you know rage... the band that "stormed" wall street and shut it down for 3 minutes to protest capitalism, and our lack of generosity.... yeah... then they played the music awards and broke thousands of dollars worth of gear after the weak performance of their weak single.... not contradicting .... REVOLUTIONARY!

-i pay DAMN NEAR 20 dollars PER PERSON to go see a bunch of shitty actors in a shitty movie and eat some seriously shitty popcorn. a movie written by left wing steak eating whiners starring people that are paid too much to be spending their time whining about the government and not enough time curing disease... not that i have disease... i have health care.... im a white american.

-i smoke over a pack a day. where do all the butts go, you ask? why, on the ground of course! the big trash can... and just to stay genuine, i also chuck the empty pack on the ground too. preferably as close to a trash can as possible, without actually putting it in the can.

-im sitting here watching this fucking whacko with a rotisserre oven cook all sorts of crap. if there are 5 easy payments, you're in america.... but if you act now, we'll take one of those payments and fuck it up the ass! anal sex? easy payments? america.

-i think french people are pussies. i hate their accents, and whenever possible i babble some innuendo about how they smell funny. i rename everything french, into american... like an american tickler, american dressing, american doors... one time i ordered an american martini at the bar.... i got a dead hooker, syphillis and a crack pipe in a martini glass... needless to say... i didnt tip.... cuz i dont believe in tipping... cuz i'm american.

-i speak loudly on my cell phone... i talk about stuff and rephrase it to make myself sound important in public.. "well just tell my 9 oclock that ill have to reschedule with my secretary, and tell the rest of the boys down at the office to handle the "tissues" account"..........meanwhile my friends talking to me like, "ummmmm... am i to understand that you want me to tell big jay that you cant drink tonite untill you reschedule it with your mother, and tell the boys at The Pearl to get you an eightball?"

-i'm constantly looking for reasons to sue somebody and become rich. i would spill coffee on myself, but that coffee cost 95 cents and i'm american... and i want coffee. so it better be hot.

-i gamble on everything... one time i bet these friends of mine that i could make this really dorky girl in our school into the prom queen... i ended up falling in love with her and just recently murdered her and put her through a wood chipper in the snow.... my dog seemed to think it was a good idea..... or i fell asleep with HBO on again last night... i cant remember, i was on a bunch of anti depressants and valium... none of which were prescribed...HBO costs like 15 bucks a month... i can afford it.. im american.

-i drink budweiser

ASSHOLE: noun - 1; Sphincter 2; See Below

let me say to any niggers, wetbacks or jews that may have read my last post..

i'm not racist... i own a colored TV.

bahaha... but seriously, and in my own words, I hold no contempt for any race, creed, or sex..

sincere racism is for rednecks... I'm from Jersey.

...a city in Jersey who's name does not include the word "township".

my humor is best served room temperature, adorned with a dollop of shock....
and chick peas.

i find it funny.

..apparently, GOOGLE does not feel the same...and when asked to reconsider advertising on my page, wrote me this letter in response...

Hello Nicholas,

Google has certain policies in place that we believe will help ensure the
effectiveness of Google ads for our publishers as well as our advertisers.
We believe strongly in freedom of expression and therefore offer broad
access to content across the web without censoring results. At the same
time, we reserve the right to exercise editorial discretion when it comes
to the ads we display in our AdWords program and the sites on which we
choose to display them in our AdSense program, as noted in our respective
Terms and Conditions.

Based on our review process, we feel your site does not meet the program
requirements. As we grow, we may find that we are able to expand our
program to more web publishers with a wider variety of web content.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Howard
The Google AdSense Team

----

A custom response? not just your average cookie cutter reply?

I would normally think so, however, it seems as though my newest daily reader, Howard, from THE GOOGLE ADSENSE TEAM is referring to my valid point that their website can search through some of the filthiest words and images imaginable, yet deem me "objectionable"

coincidental? i can't tell.

jesus christ, i can't even sell-out right.

whats the big fucking deal you dirty cunt?

Hello Nicholas,

Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your
application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply
with our policies. Therefore, we're unable to accept you into Google
AdSense at this time.

We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If
you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this
email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.

Issues:

- Inappropriate language

Further detail:

Inappropriate language: We've found that your website contains content
that isn't in compliance with our program policies. We don't allow
websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to
participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies
(http://GoogleIsObviouslyRunByFaggots.com) for a complete list
of site content not allowed on web pages.

....ok. so what you're saying is, i can do an image search for "bukkake" on your website and see pictures of 40 asian men spraying semen on the faces of seemingly happy women... but a couple curse words and anti-religious sentiments bar me from being able to cash in on my popularity?

well to you, google.com, you fascist cock suckers, i say this....

... and let me preface this by saying, these opinions are in no way assosciated with the owners of this domain, or anyone else but me.




...nigger.
cunt.
jews hunger for money and will stop at nothing to get it.
cocksuckers.
angelina jolie.
my dick is so big that one time i flushed it down the toilet.
douching.
anal sex.
elizabeth smart is a fucking idiot and deserved to be kidnapped.
glory holes.
dickwads.
ronald reagon died and i jerked off while watching the ceremony.
pussy.
faggot.
the two guys that started "google.com" only started it because they were tired of fucking each other in the mouth and asshole.
aol.
fisting.
gmail would be a great idea if it wasnt run by the same people that flew two planes into the World Trade Center.
cocks.
dishwalla.
i gave condoleeza rice a dirty sanchez, but it didnt show up because shes a nigger.
cancer.
saggy balls.
my favorite racial slur is "wetbacks" because, lets face it, mexicans sweat from their backs alot.
finger my pussyhole.
tranvestites.
if george bush was here right now, i'd piss on his face and shit on myself.
premarital sex.
ted kennedy.
if george W. bush was here... that would be odd, seeing how i don't live at Fort Dix.
hepatitis rules.
kill fetuses.
this is for the kids... doing drugs is a great way to make everyone like you and will certainly make you "fit in".
lawyers.
carrot top.
abortion is a GREAT idea, and i suggest you do it at home with a hanger and a toilet.
spics.
cunnilingus.
rodney dangerfield is a dead, fat, repetitive pole licker.
shitballs.
gook.
cocaine is great, but only when you plan on killing a hooker and burying her in Arlington National Cemetary.
detroit.
retards.
the best comedy I ever saw, to this day, is still "Philadelphia".
jewggle.
murder.
john lennon ripped off chuck berry.
clit.
oral.
fucking fuck balls fuckberry fucksalt fuck tits and cum on your fuck hole.

without a condom.

what i'm really trying to say is...
I figured it would happen, but up yours anyway google.

did you think I would let this go unnoticed?