October 31, 2005
October 28, 2005
i never really liked dave miller; a play in 1 word.
GAY!
lol.
i erased my previous post after i was sure all applicable parties read it... no need to bring the hundreds of adoring fans down by wasting their time with personal garbage... besides, if any of you actually read the other people on ISSF (which apparently you do not) you can get your fill of retarted 12 year old e-drama there... there is plenty of it.
i have a bunch of askdirt questions, i'll post one soon when i stop being lazy.
but untill then, i leave you with a question...
if a "they might be giants" tribute album falls in the forest, and no one buys it because it's a retarted fucking idea, does it make a sound?
was it ever really there at all?
that's the last of the personal stuff none of you understand... i promise.
October 23, 2005
www.askdirt.com
in an attempt to make an impact on the society of which i've grown so accustomed to fucking despising, i've decided to introduce a new segment here at issf/dirt in hopes of making a positive change on this giant conglomerate of douchebaggery we call planet earth.
from time to time, everyone needs some advice... maybe it's just some reiteration, maybe it's a sobering realization of reality or maybe it's herpes... from time to time, my friends ask me for advice because, let's face it, i've been fucked since day 1 and i am throughly aquainted with said "reality".
so to you, my readers, my friends, my girls i want to have doggy style sex with, i offer to you, not only my ear, but my heart... in a new section i call
ASK DIRT
here's the deal; you send me an email at dirt666@gmail.com.. included in this email should be your name, pen name, pseudonym, what the fuck ever... something to identify you.. any other personal information you send me i will exploit, so i'd steer clear of that. you will ask me a question, and i will give you my honest opinion/answer...
you can take advantage of my extrememly warped perspective on you, your culture, your mother and anything else that's on your mind... if i like it, i'll post it... if it's retarted, i'll spam your inbox with porno.
...but the porno that blurs out all the semen and vaginas... you know.. the shitty stuff.
DON'T LEAVE ME A COMMENT WITH THE QUESTION OR I WILL BAN YOU FROM EVER LOOKING AT MY SITE AGAIN.
because i am a dick.
so start writing.
or dont.
i don't really care.
October 13, 2005
my heart is blacker than a minnesota viking cruise-ship gangbang.
"i'll take you to the truth, for the truth shall set you free.
i'll turn the screws of vengeance and bury you with honesty.
i'll make all your dreams come to life...
...and slay them as quickly as they came."
-D. Randell Blythe
some random mean thoughts.
-has anyone told all these starving people around the world that they should probably move to where the fucking food is?
-women can't fucking drive. SORRY. but it's true... and you know it. that is, you
know it if you have a penis... if you have something other than a penis, who cares you're stupid.
-you dont get post traumatic stress disorder from a bad breakup, retard. traumatic stress is caused primarily by being raped at a circus with a box of crackerjacks by a clown in big shoes. stupid.
-if my bands lead singer hung himself while jerking off, i sure as shit would change the name of my band.. even if i planned on exploiting it on tv. inxs is fucking stupid and the best thing about that band was the singer anyway. and unfortunately, he is deader than the knuckle babies he was trying to produce.
-i'm gonna start choking myself while i jerk off.
-and i'm gonna sing "i need you tonight" in rhythm to it.l
October 11, 2005
October 09, 2005
[per]version of the truth.
your version of the truth.
women are lying, cheating, self absorbed, flower scented airheads.
they were put on earth to feed me poached eggs in decorative little cups.
it was a huge mistake to have thought any one could be any different.
okay maybe that's not totally true....
i prefer scrambled eggs, bitch.
cue epiphany.
realizing this, from now on, i will be the biggest asshole ever. you may ask yourself, "how could you possibly be a bigger asshole then you allready are?"
i plan to answer that right now.
from now on...
- i will sport a swastika tattoo on my face and underneath it, it will say "give peace a chance"
- i will wipe my ass on every dollar i leave for a tip to every scum-cunt section 8 waitress that crosses my path.
- i will carry with me a box of bavarian creme donuts. i will no longer say the word "hello" to any woman, instead, when i want to greet them, i will pull out a donut and shoot the creme in their fucking eye.
- i will also sport a tattoo on my neck that is written in cursive. it doesn't even matter what it will say.
- i will never wash my hands after i piss all over them in a drunken attempt to clear my blatter at a bar.. when i leave the bathroom, i will dig a pretzel out of the very bottom of every basket on the bar. i will also go out of my way to meet girls and seal our obvious plutonic friendship with a hearty handshake.
- i will put it in their butt when they arent expecting it. when they turn around to inquire about the strange new sensation, i will spray them in the eyes with mace.
- i will go to trendy clubs and stab girls with my boner while they dance to crappy house music.
- any girl i date will have their "heavy flow" tampons switched with their "breezy autumn afternoon" ones.
- i will point out a camel toe EVERY TIME I SEE ONE.
- i will use them for whatever i can untill i have the opportunity to fuck their sister. then the cycle will start again.
- i will do whatever i can to fuck their heads up worse than their abusive, rapist, and/or alchoholic father did. that is my goal in life.
October 08, 2005
Suicide Fest 2005
i'm currently recruiting people that want to kill themselves in a festive, yet controlled atmosphere among many oversized fictional charachters, taffy pulling machines and pantomimes.
it will be the a-typical, no frills, drink-the-kool-aid style mass suicide, complete with matching sweatsuits, sneakers, and dirt-themed bandanas. fairly standard.
the mass-suicide will kick off a weekend long gala featuring the finest in made-for-tv rotisserre ovens, jon denver compact disc compelations, lucy the elephant statuettes and an appearance by Mark Hamill**.
so come on out, have a couple pitchers and watch the fun! bring the kids to our free pony ride located between the portapotty's and the propane storage area! nothing says family fun like a good olde-fashioned mass suicide! i spelled olde that way on purpose! that's because it's THAT OLD FASHIONED!
BE THERE, OR BE ALIVE!
** = Dee Snyder may be substitued for Mark Hamill.