Namflow

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story Part 2

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story
Part 2: The Saga Continues

"Strike while the iron is hot!", so says Manowar in their song "Brothers of Metal." And that, my friends, I did not do. I had gathered up all my courage to give Amy, a girl I hardly knew, chocolates on Valentine's Day. And then I dropped the ball by not asking her out or anything. I was happy with myself for actually doing it in the first place, but I thought there was still some unfinished business in the matter. Fate seemed to bend its will against me as the only time I ran into her was during Anime club and I was too stubborn to do something reasonable like talk with her again after the Anime screenings let out. I felt I had already played that card, and all of my friends were as fresh out of ideas as I was. Until one day...

I worked for ResNet, which was a group of students employees in charge of helping other students get connected to the internet in their dorm rooms. My job mainly consisted of manning the ResNet helpdesk and going on house calls whenever someone's internet stopped working. At work there were always jokes about abusing your power by doing things like disconnected the internet of a frat house you didn't like or disconnecting half your dorm so you could download Linux faster. Then I remembered someone made the joke, "What if you disconnected a hot girl's internet so you could take the house call?"

"Hmmm..." I thought to myself. "That's kinda sketchy. I mean, really sketchy. Who would disconnect a girl's internet access just to be the one who fixes it? Who could possibly abuse the power their job bestowed upon them in such a way? Who could keep a straight face while fixing an internet connection that they themselves had sabotaged? Who could be such a dick as to deprive someone of the internet, especially during finals? Who would actually have the balls to go through with this?" There was but one answer - me.

Now, some might call this stalking, but to me stalking involves things like learning people's schedules, getting their AIM names and checking their away messages, learning where they live, calling their phone number and then hanging up to see if they are home, stuff like that. But this was not stalking, I prefer the politically correct term "coincidence engineering." And besides, I knew it was really, really sketchy, but once I had told my friends about it, they all agreed it was such a wonderfully awful idea I had no choice but to go through with.

The plan was simple. Each hall had a ResNet closet that stored many routers that connect student's dorm rooms to the internet. The closet is the first place you are supposed to look on a house call to check for things like a student being disabled, the router losing power, or an ethernet chord simply falling out of its socket. You'd be surprised how often the latter happens, an ethernet chord just falling out of its socket for no reason at all. It has happened before... and it was about to happen again.

I needed to plan the ideal time for her internet to magically stop working. I worked Saturdays and Sundays and was the only person available to go on house calls. So if someone's internet just happened to stop working 30 minutes before my Saturday shift there would be a high probability that I would go on that house call before the weekend's end.

Saturday came, and it was time to act. Seeing as ResNet employees routinely go into and out of the ResNet closets, there would be nothing suspicious about me going into one of the 5th floor of Sue B. at 11:30 am. If, however, she saw me, I would have to abort the mission, because I think it would have been too easy for her to connect the dots. Stealth was essential, but also difficult because the ResNet closet was conveniently located right across from her room.

I took the stairs to the 5th floor and turned down Gates hall. No one! I fumbled with the keys, opened the closet, and went in. I took out a piece of paper that had her port written on it, pulled the chord just ever so slightly out of its socket, saw the little green LED light above A-23 darken, and knew my work here was finished. Having completed the first part of my plan I left the closet, locked the door, and ran down the stairs, out the building, and to the ResNet help desk 5 minutes away. So far, so good. Her net was down, all I had to do now was wait.

That day at ResNet was rather uneventful. Each time the phone rang my heart jumped, but it was no one important. I didn't have any house calls, nor were any scheduled for tomorrow. I went home and discussed things with my friends. Do I leave her internet disconnected for a whole night? For me, losing the internet is a fate worse than death, more painful than the dentist, and more heartbreaking than this story could ever be. But I had come this far, and I couldn't back down.

Sunday came and upon my arrival to work, to both my delight and dismay, I noticed there were 2 house calls scheduled for that day - the first of which was hers. The time had come. Will she remember me? Will she be pissed about her internet? Will she see through my genius idea? Will I actually ask her out this time? What if her roommate is there? Does my breath smell? These questions raced through my head as I walked to Sue B., took the elevator to the fifth floor, walked slowly to her room, paused for a moment in front of her door, and knocked. The door opened and there she was.

"Hi. I'm from ResNet."

To Be Continued...

Posted by namflow at February 22, 2006 03:50 AM