Namflow

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Story (Part 3/3)

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story
Part 3: The Chocolate Girl

"Hi, I'm from Resnet."
"I know."

There I was, face to face with Amy, a girl I hardly knew and hadn't talked to since I had given her chocolates on Valentine's Day three months earlier as we walked home from anime club. Fate brought me to her room as a proud member of ResNet, a group of students employed by the university to travel from dorm room to dorm room fixing computer problems as they go. Amy's internet happened to have stopped working at approximately 11:30 AM the previous morning when I "accidentally" knocked her ethernet cord from its socket during a "routine" check of the ResNet closets in Sue B. dorm. So here I was, and it was time to finish what I started 3 months ago.

I followed a troubleshooting procedure that I prepared to delay fixing her internet for as long as possible. As I took my sweet time to fix her internet we talked about finals, courses winding down, going home for summer - all that good stuff. The goal of all this small talk was to eventually bring up anime and then mention my favorite anime, Revolutionary Girl Utena, which I knew she wanted to see. Then I'd invite her over to watch it, we'd fall in love, get married, and have lots and lots of kids and everyone would be happy - especially me. But soon my "do everything except actually fix her internet" troubleshooting procedure had ended and, even though things were going well and we had rapport, we were still dangerously far away from the "fall in love" part of my plan and all that was to follow. I needed to collect my thoughts. I told her I'd go check the ResNet closet and come back.

In the ResNet closet I told myself "Courage is victory!", a quote from the Judas Priest song "One Shot at Glory". This was my one shot, I would be courageous, and victory would be mine. I had not come this far to be denied. I plugged in her ethernet cord and watched the darkened light above socket A-23 turn green. This meant only one thing: go time.

I returned to her room and, surprise surprise, her internet was working. (What can I say, I'm good at my job!) While she was thanking me for fixing her internet I commented on her Fushigi Yuugi anime poster and before I knew it we were emerged in a fantastic discussion about anime with tons of "Have you seen this?" and "Wow, that was so awesome!" and "Man does Dragonball suck!" My plan was working perfectly!

After 15 minutes or so I noticed the conversation gradually began to slow down and I knew I had to get going while the going was still good. So I mentioned Utena and she said she's heard of it and wanted to see it. So I said, "Yea, I'm kinda busy with finals and all, but would you like to stop by sometime to watch Utena?" Her face lit up as she said "Yea!" Then she rattled off a list of anime she would bring that she wanted to show me. She asked where I lived and as I started to tell her she's like "Hold on a sec" as she went to get a pen and paper. (I'm pen and paper quality, baby!) I asked her when would be a good time for her to stop by and she didn't know. I joked that she'd make me clean my room and keep it clean until she came over! She smiled and said that she had cleaned up her room before I came to fix her internet. She said she would definitely stop by and if I wasn't there she'd leave a note on my door.

"Man, this is great!" I thought to myself. She was really excited to come over and watch anime and even wanted to share some of her favorite anime with me! Plus she knew I liked her because of the Valentine's Day chocolates so I wasn't going to take up residence in just-friendsville. My intent was clear, that I liked her and "wanted to get to know her better" (one of the greatest euphemisms ever), and she was like "Hell yea!" I thought about how awesome this was turning out, how it didn't matter that I didn't ask her out on Valentine's Day cause things were set right, how much fun watching anime with her would be, and how much I was already looking forward for summer vacation to end so I could see her again. "My senior year is going to be the best ever!" I thought to myself as we said our goodbyes and I returned to the ResNet help desk, never to see or hear from her again.

The End

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story Part 2

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story
Part 2: The Saga Continues

"Strike while the iron is hot!", so says Manowar in their song "Brothers of Metal." And that, my friends, I did not do. I had gathered up all my courage to give Amy, a girl I hardly knew, chocolates on Valentine's Day. And then I dropped the ball by not asking her out or anything. I was happy with myself for actually doing it in the first place, but I thought there was still some unfinished business in the matter. Fate seemed to bend its will against me as the only time I ran into her was during Anime club and I was too stubborn to do something reasonable like talk with her again after the Anime screenings let out. I felt I had already played that card, and all of my friends were as fresh out of ideas as I was. Until one day...

I worked for ResNet, which was a group of students employees in charge of helping other students get connected to the internet in their dorm rooms. My job mainly consisted of manning the ResNet helpdesk and going on house calls whenever someone's internet stopped working. At work there were always jokes about abusing your power by doing things like disconnected the internet of a frat house you didn't like or disconnecting half your dorm so you could download Linux faster. Then I remembered someone made the joke, "What if you disconnected a hot girl's internet so you could take the house call?"

"Hmmm..." I thought to myself. "That's kinda sketchy. I mean, really sketchy. Who would disconnect a girl's internet access just to be the one who fixes it? Who could possibly abuse the power their job bestowed upon them in such a way? Who could keep a straight face while fixing an internet connection that they themselves had sabotaged? Who could be such a dick as to deprive someone of the internet, especially during finals? Who would actually have the balls to go through with this?" There was but one answer - me.

Now, some might call this stalking, but to me stalking involves things like learning people's schedules, getting their AIM names and checking their away messages, learning where they live, calling their phone number and then hanging up to see if they are home, stuff like that. But this was not stalking, I prefer the politically correct term "coincidence engineering." And besides, I knew it was really, really sketchy, but once I had told my friends about it, they all agreed it was such a wonderfully awful idea I had no choice but to go through with.

The plan was simple. Each hall had a ResNet closet that stored many routers that connect student's dorm rooms to the internet. The closet is the first place you are supposed to look on a house call to check for things like a student being disabled, the router losing power, or an ethernet chord simply falling out of its socket. You'd be surprised how often the latter happens, an ethernet chord just falling out of its socket for no reason at all. It has happened before... and it was about to happen again.

I needed to plan the ideal time for her internet to magically stop working. I worked Saturdays and Sundays and was the only person available to go on house calls. So if someone's internet just happened to stop working 30 minutes before my Saturday shift there would be a high probability that I would go on that house call before the weekend's end.

Saturday came, and it was time to act. Seeing as ResNet employees routinely go into and out of the ResNet closets, there would be nothing suspicious about me going into one of the 5th floor of Sue B. at 11:30 am. If, however, she saw me, I would have to abort the mission, because I think it would have been too easy for her to connect the dots. Stealth was essential, but also difficult because the ResNet closet was conveniently located right across from her room.

I took the stairs to the 5th floor and turned down Gates hall. No one! I fumbled with the keys, opened the closet, and went in. I took out a piece of paper that had her port written on it, pulled the chord just ever so slightly out of its socket, saw the little green LED light above A-23 darken, and knew my work here was finished. Having completed the first part of my plan I left the closet, locked the door, and ran down the stairs, out the building, and to the ResNet help desk 5 minutes away. So far, so good. Her net was down, all I had to do now was wait.

That day at ResNet was rather uneventful. Each time the phone rang my heart jumped, but it was no one important. I didn't have any house calls, nor were any scheduled for tomorrow. I went home and discussed things with my friends. Do I leave her internet disconnected for a whole night? For me, losing the internet is a fate worse than death, more painful than the dentist, and more heartbreaking than this story could ever be. But I had come this far, and I couldn't back down.

Sunday came and upon my arrival to work, to both my delight and dismay, I noticed there were 2 house calls scheduled for that day - the first of which was hers. The time had come. Will she remember me? Will she be pissed about her internet? Will she see through my genius idea? Will I actually ask her out this time? What if her roommate is there? Does my breath smell? These questions raced through my head as I walked to Sue B., took the elevator to the fifth floor, walked slowly to her room, paused for a moment in front of her door, and knocked. The door opened and there she was.

"Hi. I'm from ResNet."

To Be Continued...

My 99.5% Mush Free Valentine's Day Story (Part 1/3)

"Have you ever given a girl chocolates on Valentine's Day?" asked Hasegawa Sensei as I was explaining the differences between Valentine's Day in Japan and America for class 1-1 sometime last year. "Yes, I have." I responded. "But that's a story for Valentine's Day." He looked a bit surprised, then he smiled and jokingly said, "Rich has a sad Valentine's Day story!"

It was first semester junior year in college...

I was in this Japanese culture class. And in this class there was a girl named Amy. I never really talked with her or anything, but she seemed cool. She was half Japanese, half American, and 100% hot. She dressed fashionably and I'd see her at the anime club's anime screenings every Wednesday. The Japanese culture class came and went and I never really talked with her. But I knew she went to anime Wednesday nights and I got an idea.

Valentine’s day was coming up. And for the 21 years I had been alive I’d never done anything special for Valentine's Day except stay in and play video games. And it’s a holiday where you are supposed to go do something cute and romantic and sappy. My love life junior year had been pretty lackluster thus far - the last girl I asked to a dance said she'd love to go but had plans to go to a Protestant retreat to "hold hands and sign songs about Jesus." Things couldn't get much worse than that so I thought “Why not? I’ve never given a girl anything on Valentine's Day before, and I’ve got nothing to lose, let's rock.”

I had a small debate on what to give her, be it flowers or chocolates, and how much to spend. I decided on chocolates because I thought flowers would be too sappy and romantically heavy to give to someone I hardly knew, and if I was a chick I'd most certainly prefer chocolates. I mean, you can't eat flowers can you? Next, I had to decide on how much to spend. Cause I didn't want to seem like a cheap ass "Hey baby, here's a 99 cent Hershey bar, your place or mine?" But on the other hand, I didn't want to go overboard with a $50 dollar box of designer chocolate which might result in some kind of guilt trip, like "Yo, I just spent my whole paycheck on your gift so you are obligated to spend time with me." I talked this over with some of my friends who were girls (and thus had a much better idea of how this stuff works than I) and it was decided a small box of Godiva chocolate would fit the occasion perfectly. When I went to the mall Valentine's Day the smallest box they had was $10. But I figured $10 isn't enough to guilt trip anyone, and if a $10 box of chocolates could win me love, then so be it. And if not, well, she's $10 worth of chocolates fatter. Either way I win!

Valentine’s day was Thursday, and anime screenings were Wednesday ending at midnight. My great idea was this – give her chocolates right after midnight on the walk home from anime. And I could use a really cheezy line I saw in a drama in Japanese Conversation class where a guy called up his girl at midnight to say “I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday.” Just replace "Happy Birthday" with "Happy Valentine's Day" and it's all good.

Wednesday came, she was at Anime, everything was going according to plan. Anime ended and I began to walk home with my friends as she did with hers. Her friends were two guys that I affectionately nicknamed dorkboy and loserdude. Thankfully dorkboy and loserdude went to pursue their academic interests at the library as she continued on her way to Sue B, the same dorm as me. My heart began to pound because I knew I was really going to go through with this. I began to walk faster to catch up with her. My friends were surprised to see me walking ahead of them and had no idea what was about to happen. And neither did I.

I caught up with Amy and started talking with her. I figured it'd be better to talk with her first to test the waters. She was nice and friendly and happy as I thought she would be (I mean, who wouldn’t be happy if I came up and started to talk with them?) Then we were almost to the dorm and I thought to myself “It’s now or never”. So I reached into my coat, pulled out the chocolates, and handed them to her as I said “I want to take this opportunity to be the first person to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day.” And she’s like “Valentine’s day?” a little confused, and then I’m like “Yea, it’s past midnight isn’t it?” And she was like "Ohhhhhhh yea..." And she thanked me and seemed happy and we kept walking...
and walking......
and walking...
walking...
.........
......
...
..
.

"Shit!!! Now what do I do?" I thought to myself. That cheezy line was as far as I had planned in advance and now I was lost. This was the part where she was supposed to say, "Wow, no ones ever given me anything on Valentine's Day before! I'll love you forever and ever and then some!" But we just kept walking in uncomfortable silence for a bit more before I started making small talk again. A few moments later we were at Sue B. Once inside she took the elevator to her floor while I elected to take the stairs. And she smiled and thanked me again and waved goodbye as the elevator doors shut on yet another Valentine's Day.......

Now, I'd say that didn't go all that bad for a first try at this Valentine's Day thing. I did what I set out to do, I didn't chicken out, and I didn't get slapped! Only problem was that I was too busy planning out the actual giving of the chocolates that I neglected to think I had to do something after that. Looking back on things, it might have been kind of weird for her to have this guy she didn't know give her some chocolates, wish her a happy Valentine's Day, and then not ask her out! But even so, I was really happy with myself for going through with it, I was ecstatic for the rest of the night. On the way to the CS lab to work on my latest project I just started jumping up and down with my hands raised in victory.

As time went by I was hoping to run into her again, talk, and maybe invite her over to watch anime. In our conversation on V-day she said that she wanted to see the anime Revolutionary Girl Utena which I had but didn’t tell her about. (doh!) I figured I could just invite her over to watch Anime next time I saw her. Only problem was I never saw her except at the anime screenings. I felt like I had already played my "talk with Amy after anime" card and was too stubborn to do it again, which (in retrospect) was stupid of me.

So I waited. Soon days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and I still hadn't talked with her since then. I knew if I just kinda ran into her I could start up a conversation and things would be awesome. However, the longer I waited the more it seemed like fate wasn't on my side. But then I realized that, sometimes, fate needs a little push in the right direction.

To Be Continued...