-=(Sagien)=-

I'm not Asian

Courtesy of the Coolio Phone Mark II: Pushing the Bar on Saving Lives

Holiday Season 2k4

Yes, the new coolio phone mark II. Courtesy of Xmas, from the merry-christmas-to-me department. This should help usher in a new era of phone pictures. And it is able to go where the Original Coolio Phone was never able to go to before.

aaannd... nmg comes through with the first shipment of slimjims. Very impressive. However, supplies are running low and the second expected shipment hasnt arrived yet.

which reminds me, nmg had this somewhat great idea. In lieu of multiple authorship on this blog recently occuring, and by multiple i meant two, and by two I meant one of us posted once, nmg suggested an essay writing contest just like in third grade. I pick the topic, and people write essays. I'll give you an example.

And by example, I meant, this is the segue to a story..

The topic of the English class essay was relatively simple. We were to write about what an alien from another planet would think or wonder about when they came to visit Earth. This essay was due in the next few days and we are to read it in front of class.

"Wonderful," sagien thought, "I have plenty of time for this."

Fast forward to lunch period, about twenty minutes before English class starts. Sagien is shoving a burger into his mouth as he handwrites the alien essay hurriedly before the bell rang. He continues to write through the bell after he finished his lunch and was still writing at his desk at English class just as everyone was settling into their seats.

In fact, he was still writing just as his name gets called for his turn to read his essay to the class. He stands up, skulks to the front of the class, and looks around at his classmates, unsure of something. He takes a deep breath then begins to read:

The alien ship was able to find a secluded landing spot with very little issues. It's pilot dons an adequate human disguise to fit in with the population and begins to wander through town. He noticed that it is night time in this world and the streets are barely lit with broken street lighting.

"Hey baby, you lost?" came a feminine voice from behind him, "do you need a date?" Unsure of his grasp of the human language, he backs away and hurriedly returns to his ship.

'Perhaps more research on this planet is in order," he thought. What he found was quite confusing, indeed.

Apparently, some members of this species, usually the males, have to pay in order to reproduce. This is highly unusual, but quite understandable, since his species think it is important to produce offspring, as well.

Further reading and exploration over the next couple of weeks has got him wondering about several more things.

Why do humans insert chemicals into their bodies that could do them more harm than good?

Why do they perform acts of sex towards members of their own gender. This seems counterproductive to him.

And why is that male sticking his genital into the wrong hole --

"That's enough, sagien," Mrs. Goins, the English teacher, said. "Give me your paper and sit down.. disgusting!" Sagien was later sent to the vice principal's office where his brain functions were questioned, unprofessionally, and told he was suspended for two days. After he came back, he was sent to a guidance counselor's office, where his brain functions where questioned, professionally. Also, deep probes were sent into the well-being of his life at home.

He later argues his first amendment rights to his parents, who in turn told him that, as a sophomore in high school and living under their roof, those rights didn't quite exist for him. For shame, we coulda been millionnaires.

Well then

I suppose an essay looks like that? I don't know, I haven't written one in years. Anyway, I think that's a pretty good example of the technique known as "story within a story." The essay sagien read in class wasn't quite the original essay, but its close enough and that whole thing is a true story. I have plenty of those. True stories.

Anyway, I don't know if people are even interested in authoring for this blog. I figure the way it will work is that if anyone is interested, they should let me know through email or AIM, if you know my screenname. I'll probably end up questioning you about certain things like morality and ethics and we shall see about setting you up with a text only account for you to write your essay with.

After that, we'll leave it up to the commenters(yeah those are those douchebags that tell me my post suck after i put it up) to decide whether you stay or not.

Why are you handing out authorships to your blog, oh Sage of the Golden Brown Sun?

I don't really know, but I kinda enjoyed it when mincus put a post up. It was quite refreshing erading something on my blog that I didn't write. I guess, I dunno. I don't really think people are interested in writing here anyway, but its worth a shot.

What will the first topic be?

Well, thats easy. "Earth, through the eyes of an alien"

Okay, let me know if people care.

Posted by sagien at December 27, 2004 12:09 PM