I wholeheatedly apologize at the tardiness of this post. I know I promised some people that this will be up before now, but I passed out in a puddle of my own drool last night. I'd like to claim that it was because I was drunk out of my mind, but, closer to the truth, it was because I was exhausted.
I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words on this piece, now being coined "The Saga of Sagien." It does mean a lot to me to be able to tell this story.
So, here you go...
Part 2: I wanna go home
The 20 hour travel time from the islands wasn’t dull at all. The trip through customs was uneventful since they were unable to locate the source of the funny fish smell coming from one of the 12 boxes Sagien’s family had with them. Perhaps the random brooms, kitchen utensils, towels, flip flops, and various other items threw the agents off.
His brother pondered the intricacies of the American fire alarm system at the Detroit International Airport. After a few seconds of tweaking with the lever that said “Pull”, a siren was activated and several excited men riding on one of those airport cars showed up. They were VERY excited. So was Sagien’s dad.
Three days after their arrived, his father decided to shove them into school. He probably figured they can handle the culture shock since they’re all grown up.
Sagien didn’t want to go through seventh grade again. He didn’t want to have to speak English all the time. It was awful, why did he decide to come along? He could’ve stayed at home, with his grandmother. It was spider season, damn it. Everyone is so weird and pale. Except for the black ones and the American movies always portrayed them as the bad guy, so don’t talk to them.
He wandered through the school’s hallway, sticking out like an Asian in a sea full of white people. Seventh graders here already know how to kiss each other in the mouth -- Sagien was still fascinated by TNMT. Everyone’s wearing Nike’s as well. How rich these Americans are. Ah, culture.
Girls practically remained an enigma throughout his middle school career. Parental units wouldn’t know what to do if he brought girls home anyway. He spent much of his seventh grade life impressing the dumb shit white kids with his superior math. Superior only because he has taken this kind of math before: when he was in 7th grade in the Philippines, 4 months ago.
Eight grade wasn’t much different, either. Except for the shftleft entering stage right, much of that year was a bore. Shft was a total asshole. Sagien doesn’t know why he hung out with him. He constantly mentioned how his white penis was bigger than Sagien’s Asian penis. Little does he know…
Computer. Beginner’s All Purpose Symbolic Instruction Code. That’s where it all began. High school started. A modem was introduced, fried, and re-introduced, all in its glorious 2400bps speed. The modem opened the world of the online Bulletin Board System. After scanning the message boards on the BBS’s, at the height of Sagien’s sophomore year, he came across female flesh.
Only he didn’t get to enter it.
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Posted by sagien at February 9, 2005 02:10 PMA+
this reminds me of the night you were drunk at the diner, pretending not to speak english.
Posted by: nmg at February 9, 2005 02:41 PMenter stephen lloyd..............
a brash, yet well-masturbated man, with a whopping 5 LINES of BBS capabilities.....
legend of the red dragon would never be the same.
Posted by: dirt. at February 9, 2005 04:10 PMhaha 5 lines that he disguised as 8, one local and two lines that he'd turn on when his wife went to bed. And he charged $10 a month for. Which people actually paid.
People like Robert Santos. Who used the same password on every BBS he ever used.
Yeah, I'll have to make a subchapter for the BBS days...
Posted by: sagien at February 9, 2005 04:41 PMhmm in my next lifetime, i will check out the inches on prom night.
Posted by: wysteria at February 9, 2005 05:36 PMyou had your chance.
Posted by: sagien at February 9, 2005 05:43 PMgroup orgies aren't my thing
Posted by: wysteria at February 9, 2005 05:45 PMI believe penis talk didn't come into play until late after high school when i saw jaybees penis while drunk at the diner. You seem to have a selective memory when it comes to this, YOU were the asshole. I just wanted to play basketball on your court - you were the dicks who sat in your house staring at me all pissed off...
Posted by: shftleft at February 9, 2005 10:26 PMYou broke my net... after I broke your glasses.. but you were trying to dunk on me on the 8 foot net, so i had to try to block you, but accidentally hit your glasses. I'm sorry.
Then I told you to get off my court. And jose made fun of me for being a bitch. Then you kept playing on my court. So I stared at you from inside the house wishing you ill will.
Cause and effect.
Posted by: sagien at February 10, 2005 10:22 AMYou're circumsized? You were 14 in grade 17. Something happened between all of you and wombat? how the fuck did life pass me by like this in just 2 months? Oh and they have these cool extension legs for your grill, if you dont wanna crouch down and cook all the time. Although, perhaps that brings back fond memories of the homeland. Im assuming you had those guys on the streets squatting over their grills roasting peanuts too.
I'm loving this.
Posted by: Sarah at February 11, 2005 01:16 AMI suggest we all buy the second shirt from the bottom - http://www.plywoodkite.com/store.php?disp=men_sh
then we can have a big party where we all show up wearing the same shirt. The surprise and embarassment from it will heal all wounds.
Then again, it might just turn into an absurd brawl.
wombat: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!
Posted by: mincus at February 11, 2005 08:22 AMmincus, who are you?
thanks, sarah. pardon the offtopic bickering on almost every comment page on almost every entry i make. It's been kindof like this since day one.
Posted by: sagien at February 11, 2005 10:47 AMthe internet's for people who don't know how to fish.
Posted by: dirt. at February 11, 2005 11:16 AM