-=(Sagien)=-

Light Sunday Reading

Greetings.

Before I put up the next chapter in the saga, I figured something is needed to breach the gap between Part 2 and 3. So here it is.

But be forewarned.. its a tad bit wordy.

Subchapter 2.1: I can whistle the 2400bps handshake.

"Just hook it up into the serial port and the phone line," explained Boner, "my dad's going to want it back though."

"Awesome, " said Sagien, "I'll see you on APE tonight." APE is a local Bulletin Board Service(BBS) that Sagien's computer friends started calling. There were others, but APE was the most fun. He wouldn't actually "see" Boner on APE, considering that APE only had one telephone line and it only allowed one caller to log in at a time.

"ooooooo Hulk Hoooooogan….. your Hulkamaniacs are no match for my Uuundertakerrrrrr..." Pall Bearer was making threats on the television as the 2400bps Hayes modem screeched its handshake with the remote modem. A few minutes later, Sagien was staring at a screen that asked for his handle.

OOoooooo Yeeeesssss! Reeest in Peeace, Hooogannnnnn

He spends a few minutes pondering what name he should use. Nothing clever comes to mind.

Yoooouu will bow down before the Undertaaaaaker and the darknessssss

Ah, yes. He types in the first pseudo-identity he'll ever take on the online world. Undertaker. How clever, he thought

Dong.. Dong.. dong...

The exit music of the Undertaker sounds as they make way for the next overly dramatic personality to make his threats and promises that he cannot make come true until Wrestlemania whateverthefuck.

Several months after that fateful day, Sagien was well on his way to being a recognizable online personality in the 609 area code. Well, at least in the Legend of the Red Dragon door game. He already had Able's Armor.

Able's Armor highly impressed another online personality. Her name was Harper. She was a girl. A meeting was arranged a few weeks later to take place at the local mall. Sagien, shftleft, and boner took a strategic vantage point that overlooked the actual meeting spot, just in case.

Well, just in case did happen. Shft offered to escort sagien out the backdoor of the arcade, and forget this ugly bitch. Boner threatened to carry him out the door. Being the fine human being that he was, sagien declined their generous offer and boldly went where no man has gone before.

Two years later, there still wasn't a single man that has gone there. Thank the heavens. No one, until a nice spring day came around. The sun was out, and the birds were chirping their songs of life. Squirrels were chasing each other playfully in the front lawn, and Harper's front door was slamming shut after Sagien, as he walked out of her gap-toothed life forever. A gentleman by the name of Robert Santo went where no man has gone before two days later.

His prowess with academic pursuits didn't amount to much during this time period, as he was forced to go to summer school for failing English classes repeatedly(junior and senior years of high school). During the junior year summer season, he was caught with dirt, a few expensive Motorola walkie-talkies acquired from the high school's janitorial staff, and a handful of credit card numbers written down neatly in a notebook. It was dirt's fault.

Dirt had used a pair of wire-cutters purchased from a Radio Shack to snip some mouse cords as they draped harmlessly over the side of desks in the hallway. The lives of over a dozen American mice were ended that day.

The overall damage to the school was negligible, but sagien and his contemporaries were not allowed to touch another computer in the high school ever again. Except for writing lab because they needed to.

This ushered in the age of Senior Year High School and America Online chat rooms. Senior year was mostly slept away, except for when he had to be at work at Radio Shack. After over a year of part time sales employment, he was able to save up enough money to meet another girl online, travel five days by Greyhound bus across the country to Phoenix where he can boldly go where he thought no man has ever gone before. And boldly go there he did.

Oooooo Yes! You are mine Hogan! Miiiiine!!

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Posted by sagien at February 13, 2005 02:01 PM