-=(Sagien)=-

It's kinda like Empire.. from Star Wars

I seem to be apologizing for being late quite a bit. Again, I am sorry. Life because a tad more busy than usual last week and the intended updates weren't made at the proper times.

I know I also told some of you that the saga has been completely written. Well, I lied. I'm writing it as I go, which would be another reason for the delays.

I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far. I certainly am enjoying writing it. All of it is true, except for one instance, where I flat out lied. This instance would be what we would call an 'inside joke.' I know I do that alot too, but that's why I'm writing these, and subsequent stories that will fill out the gaps that I am intentionally leaving out. Eventually, for someone who's read it all, there will be no inside jokes.

So here you go. Part 3 of the Saga of Sagien. [insert applause here]

Part 3: To Hell and Back Again

The first female flesh wasn't very eventful, and took two years to complete. She had weirdly placed teeth, the front two separated by a gap that rivals the Grand Canyon. Many jokes were made about this era in sagien's life.

"Bitch tits!" said shftleft.

"Fried egg tits!" said Boner.

"She looked fine 'til she opened her mouth," said another.

"Its cool, she can suck your dick with her teeth clenched cuz your Asian rice dick is small enough to fit in her gap," credit this one to shft or wombat. It is not sure who pioneered this most clever of jokes.

Needless to say, that relationship, started out of the best intentions, ended well. Sagien had many a hearty drink, and got drunk for the first time in his life. He also lost a tooth that evening, when he tried to tackle dirt because he asked, "How’s Penny Ugly Pappas?"

Several important people appeared in his life for the first time during this time period. Sagien remembers each one, like a comic book collector would remember first appearances of his favorite characters, down to the date and the exact circumstance of each meeting.

Enter, in no particular order of appearance, Joe Camel, Kudra, wombat, dirt, John Walley and several other people, mostly those of the opposite sex. People often referred to as "gynos." This eventually became the "circle of friends." A circle so tightly knit that they shall remain friends for the rest of eternity... or at least know of each other. The tale of these individuals cannot be included in the scope of this essay.

After about a year of freedom from Penny, sagien sought further adventures in the land of the Internet. He met another member of the opposite sex, and "fell in love." This prompted the great exodus, to the land of the Phoenix, Arizona, leaving everyone he knew and loved behind.

In Phoenix, he consummated his love for her, and did something shftleft has never done before. Anal Sex. This was a love that was to last forever, to be documented in several manuscripts, and told down from generation to generation. The love went from Phoenix in the first four months of its blossoming to Tampa, Florida, where it lasted for another four months, and came back to Phoenix for another four months, effectively creating a bond that would almost span the continent of the North Americas. Eventually it went back to New Jersey, where sagien and his new queen were accepted by all.

Accepted she was the most by John Walley. They became fast friends, John being her most willing guide to South Jersey. Sagien mainly used her for sex, unless she had a headache, in which case sex was avoided at all costs. Or if sagien was playing MUD, in which case, she didn’t exist. In fact, sex was non-existent during this period in New Jersey, mostly because she smelled like a used douche bag. The smell was probably caused by John Walley, who initiated the preemptive strike and took Kristin Elizabeth Kirk away from sagien. He took her back to the land of the Phoenix, Arizona, under false pretenses and effectively started a war.

It was a war of feelings, and emotions, and alcohol. The war eventually turned into something nobody cared about, including sagien. Sagien has found something new.

Drugs and dirt. Sagien made dirt his new best friend. They watched each other's backs, especially during times when one of them was financially unstable and couldn’t purchase marijuana. During these times, it was a fortunate thing that dirt had connections. This kick-started a period that nobody can remember. Between the scrolling text of the MUD he was so engrossed in and puffs of smoke from whatever receptacle was offering them, sagien was oblivious. It was the Dark Age of Sagien.

Until one fateful afternoon, when sagien awoke from his drug induced stupor. The painkillers were wearing thin, and the THC was at its weakest point of influence, sagien decided he needed something better than the couch he was laying on. He was to take certifications of the computer kind, and be smart. Dirt never approved. He told him he would fail. Dirt and sagien broke up.

Dirt was right. Although sagien finished three quarters of the certification course, it wasn’t enough to pass. Sagien did fail, but the drugs were gone, and so was dirt. And that was a good thing, because dirt only listened to Korn.

Sagien returned to what was left of the circle of friends. At this point, the circle was just beginning to grow up and finishing college careers. People started to move away, some to the great land of Maryland, and yet others to California. The one who moved to California decided to rewrite their will, adding new pall bearers to carry their grave. Sagien was not included.

Sagien didn't know where to go and what to do. The ones in Maryland beckoned to him, enticing him with vast riches and a big screen TV. What eventually won it was another girl. This one was different, yet the same. Different in the fact that she had certain standards that she tried to uphold in life (good personal hygiene and going to college). The same in the fact that she came from the world of the online. She did, however, live in the vicinity of Maryland. So sagien went, chasing after yet another girl.

Maryland was different. Things went well. Sagien held a slightly decent job, and started going to a real school for an education. His love life was healthy and financial matters were tight, but manageable. It looks like the light at the end of the tunnel is growing stronger.

..or is it...

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Posted by sagien at February 19, 2005 02:06 PM