This is a story I started out in the AIM chatroom (iseeseveralflaws) that me and a bunch of other "readers" go to. I had full intentions of finishing it in chat, but everyone seemed to have left and I found myself talking to nobody.
So, I fully resolved that it was going to be told here, regardless of how people feel about reading the story.
Prelude
Mr. Clouser failed.
Not only did he fail, he's also on shaky ground as far as his unemployment is concerned.
That's what he gets for trying to suspend students on grounds of a computer printout that some other students made.
Episode I
Nascarrom drove up to the establishment's valet parking in his brand new Saab Dynamit, decked out with the latest in minigun technology hardmounted to his gull wing doors.
He steps out of the car, fully confident that he can take on the night of heavy drinking with exceptional ease due to his military grade heavy armor, built for urban combat that he has meticulously put on. Nobody really knows why it was necessary. Perhaps it's to hide himself from the law. After all, he is a Nascar driver on the lam.
Perhaps he thinks it will impress people into giving him some shadow work.
Or maybe, he just wanted to pick up girls.
We'll never know, because at precisely the moment that he put his foot down on to the ground to get out of his car, Johnny Ferruci was shooting off a round that he told his drinking buddies would land on the 'weirdo idiot in full metal armor''s forehead.
Johnny was right.
Nascarrom falls back into his Saab Dynamit, landing with a heavy thud caused by the weight of the armor.
The side panels on the Prairie Cat Luxury Van in front of him swing open, and a pair of Vindicator miniguns swing around and targetted the sports car. It takes a few moments to spin their majestic barrels, but when they reached full speed, they started to unload.
The Saab Dynamit explodes in a ball of flame.
"Okay, sagien get's the karma point," declared Joe Camel.
"What the fuck, I shot him first!" grimrken argues.
"WHAT THE FUCK! WHY DID YOU GUYS DO THAT?" Eric Ryan screamed.
"According to second edition rules, you can't kill someone with one shot. Sagien finished the job wonderfully. He made sure nascarrom is dead," Camel intoned.
"YOU GUYS ARE FUCKIN ASSHOLES!" Eric persisted.
"Shh, its a library. You're dead, we killed you for the karma point. Now leave," sagien told Eric.
"Fine, but I'm taking my character."
"You can't take your character sheet," Camel declares.
"Leave it on the table, Henry Rollins," sagien ordered. Eric Ryan looks like Henry Rollins.
Eric starts to get up, snatching his character sheet and proceeds to make for the door.
"He can't take that," Camel said again.
Then, in a blinding instance of ninja-like prowess, sagien leaps into the air, lands one foot lighty on the wide mahogany library table, does a somersault in the air and lands in front of Eric Ryan, their faces inches away from each other.
"I'll take this," sagien said, snatching the character sheet from Eric's hands. Eric doesn't say a word and walks around sagien, defeated.
Episode II
Sagien is leaning across the library counter trying to see the books on the other side. He ordered a book from another library using the online book request system and wanted to know if it came in.
Eric Ryan rounds the corner with his backpack slung over his Henry Rollins-esque shoulders and spies a hated foe in his path, not paying attention. His stride reaches a purpose as he makes his way to sagien.
As he nears his adversary, he took the route of the coward and kicks sagien in his shin and continues to walk out the door as the bell rings.
Sagien was slow to react, seeing Eric leave the library with the doors closing around him. He gathers his things and starts to walk out with a purpose.
He walks down the hallway, not spotting his assailant. He proceeds to round the corner, and there he was, with his back to him, speaking to one of the students.
The situation is setup perfectly. Behind Eric's conversation partner was the corner to the metal lockers that the school provides for their students.
The student Eric was talking to saw sagien walking towards them with fire in his eyes. Sagien motions silently for him to step aside. He does.
Sagien, like a cheetah unleashing all the potential energy for its 65mph run towards the gazelle, unleashes his two pythons-for-arms on the back of Eric Ryan, pushing him straight into the metal corner of the locker.
The bell rang a second time, for students to get into the classrom. Sagien walks away, shielded by throngs of students dashing into their respective classes. Eric Ryan didn't recover in time from the locker-meal sagien provided for him.
Episode III
"He kicked me first," sagien told Mr. Clouser. The assistant principal looked over him dubiously, and a pained look overcame his face.
"Fine, you're free to go."
"And what of Eric Ryan?" sagien asked.
"He's being suspended for a couple of days."
"Very well."
Epilogue
Years later, Eric Ryan spends a good percentage of his vast amounts of free time in the local comic book/gaming shop. The putrid stench of shower-deprived children permeates the air.
Sagien walks in, and sees the worthless refuse of humanity sitting with a bunch of ten year olds dominating their game of Warhammer.
Nobody needed to say a thing.
Posted by sagien at July 5, 2005 03:43 PMhe works at the gas station on the side of tilton rd closest to shore rd.
i saw him adorned in his finest "Iced Earth" shirt and he told me he's the "manager" of the P&R and that he was doing well.
then, later that evening, on my way home from the bars in a drunken haze i saw him waiting for the bus and i yelled "LET ME GET 10 OF MID GRADE" as i drove by.
Yeah, I saw him at that gas station too. I barely recognized him with the full sized beard he was sporting.
I'm glad darwinism works in cases like this.
Posted by: sagien at July 5, 2005 04:59 PMJohnny 'shotgun' Farrucci's reaction to that armored moron was perfectly in character! By the way, I believe that queer left the room crying if I recall correctly. We are all on his death list to this day i'm sure. . .
Posted by: Winfield at July 6, 2005 02:43 PM