-=(Sagien)=-

Ebola is quite real

To Wombat: Ebola is quite real. Not "some fake monkey disease" that I made up to get one point in Scattegories.

Also, the Philippines is located in Asia, not just a few clicks south of Florida.

Furthermore, FedEx does not cost alot of money.

Painful Monkey Disease

Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever: Fact Sheet

WebMD Public Information from the CDC Reviewed By Charlotte Grayson, MD

What is Ebola hemorrhagic fever?

Ebola hemorrhagic fever (Ebola HF) is a severe, often-fatal disease in humans and nonhuman primates (monkeys and chimpanzees) that has appeared sporadically since its initial recognition in 1976.

Quite real. And I have it.

After I rapidly consumed several bottles of months old beer, nmg showed up at the Rice Pad to rescue me from my lonesome boredom. At that point, I was quite intoxicated and was more than happy to comply.

The evening went normally enough. We played a few games of pool at Dino's and ordered some pizza. After nmg decided to leave, I decided to christen Dino's toilet with some ABM(Asian Bowel Movement). He made me wash my hands.

It was during the game of Scattegories when it hit: like a giant spike getting jackhammered through my skull, the headache hit. Some would argue that it was because I "sobered up while awake." I, however, am of the inclination that it was the Ebola finally reaching my brain. An odd path for the disease to take, surely, because normally(and I looked this up), it will eat the other organs of the body first. It consumes its victims alive from the inside.

I pilfered a couple of Dino's Advils to help with the pain. It didn't help.

Wombat ended up taking me home.

When I got home, the surest manifestation of the disease made itself known.

I started vomiting. Out came the bacon cheese burger pizza, along with some of the Buffalo Chicken Kickers I consumed. Then came some of my internal organs. I believe I saw some of my pancreas come out, along with some blood. I hurled until there was nothing left to hurl. And then the dry heaves occured. Painful, tear jerking dry heaves.

And then I passed out.

I woke up about half an hour later, and went on my paper route. Everything went fine then.

I came home, and hacked up the rest of my lungs.

Ebola sucks. Soon I'll be dead. It leaves the liver for last, you know. Keeps the victims alive and aware for as long as possible. This is going to be the worst last three days of my life.

But if its any consolation:

Back to basics ISSF, coming right at you.

This lady sat down on some dual-reinforced steel barstool at the bar. It buckled slightly under the stress, but held. I contemplated buying her a drink, what with Ebola, getting laid one last time might've been a good thing. But she's so large, she'd never fit on my bed, plus I don't have enough flour to roll her around in to find the wet spot.

Hey.. if I'm nauseous and vomiting, I thought my readers should share my plight as well.

Posted by sagien at September 26, 2005 06:09 AM