STOP! Read D1RT's entry before proceeding!
I'll tell it how it is. And make you cry while I'm at it.
Women are a wonderful breath of fresh air. They mean what they say and they say what they mean. They are like a refreshing flower scented shower. Cleansing the grime off of your sould.
They were put on this earth for me to cook for, and pamper. Their very presence makes me want to break out the wok.
Every single one of them is the same in how they view the world. If you meet any one girl, chances are, she will be a norturing, caring creature and you are lucky to have her in your life.
That is entirely true.
[Cue Epiphany]
Knowing this true nature of the female human sub-species, I have decided to change my ways. I will be the ray of sunshine in their lives.
You may ask yourself, "sagien, this goes against the very fibre of your being!"
How wrong you are. Let me tell you why:
From now on:
- I will acquire a matching tattoo with every girl I encounter. Together our tattoos will create a picture of our friendship/love/companionship/casual sex.
- I will tip every waitress an outlandish amount of money. This will ensure that they remember me, and how great I am. And then I will bus the table.
- With me always will be a bouquet of roses. I will hand out a rose to every female I encounter while I breathe sunshine up their ass.
- I will put the toilet seat down and wipe down the urine from the toilet seat once I am done with it. Every time I leave the bathroom, it will be enveloped with the smell of Febreze and potpourri. I will eat all my cheese balls with toothpicks.
- I will whisper sweet nothings in their ear while I make love to them. I will no longer treat them like sacks of meat with a hole for me to put my penis in. And when they arch their backs while I ease in and out of their love holes, I'll grind my pubic bone into theirs, and hope to bring them to orgasm.
- I will go to trendy clubs, and buy everyone of them a drink. And we shall only dance to slow music, while I bury my face in the sweet scent of their strawberry shampood hair.
- Any girl I date, I shall earn "red wings" from.
- I will no longer just stare at their genitalia and breasts while I speak to them. I will tell them how pretty they are, and what great conversationalists they can be.
- Their families will love me.
- I will be a norturing lover/friend/casual sex partner. I will support every decision they make and tell them how proud I am of their accomplishments and them being happy makes me happy as well.
Posted by sagien at October 9, 2005 06:42 AMRed wings....ewwwww!!!
Posted by: Sarah at October 9, 2005 12:36 PMGENIUS!
Posted by: dirt. at October 9, 2005 01:20 PM(((((((applause)))))))
Posted by: wombat at October 9, 2005 02:03 PMAPPRAUSE!
Posted by: sagien at October 9, 2005 02:56 PMHah! Loser.
Posted by: kitsu at October 10, 2005 12:30 AMWTF are red wings?
Posted by: Dino at October 18, 2005 03:38 PMhttp://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Earning+Red+Wings
Posted by: shftleft at October 18, 2005 04:35 PM