-=(Sagien)=-

Okay. Enough is enough.

I know I've grasped at some rather petty straws lately. But, the time has come to seriously examine some of the relationships in my life, if only in an attempt to decipher once and for all any common denominators.

I used to have friends, and still have a few left. However, my social life is not without it's percentage of ingrates. Now, it’s not as though I've never made an effort to reason with these individuals. Yet, time and time again I'm met with nothing but resistance. It just seems so illogical to me, that there must be something else behind it all.

Example 1: Sagien. I just don't get it. Sure we've had our ups and downs in the past... and what friends haven't? But out of the clear blue, he's decided I'm expendable. It just doesn't seem fair. I mean, okay, granted: He's had a pretty rough year. Mostly, due to the fact that my negligence and lack of courtesy left him without anywhere to live at a moments' notice. But we had gotten past that. Lately, things had been incredible. I was coming over to use his internet, sleeping on his couch, eating all of his food. I was even showing up unannounced to sleep there because I was too drunk to make it home. See what I mean? Things really were great. Then, all of the sudden, and without notice, he's telling me to leave him alone. That's so petty. I've been a model friend to you for months now. The more I replay it in my head, the less sense it makes. So, it must have something to do with Money. “Why money”, you ask? Well, to be honest I don't know. But Money has always been a mystery to me too. It leaves me even faster than my friends do. So, it must be behind all of this.

Example 2: Ninjamonkeyge... oh, screw it. I'm past the point of screen names now anyway. Dave Miller. For the past couple of years, this asshole's been under the impression that he's too good for my friendship too. I don't recall when or why it happened. All I can remember from that era is… (sigh) Kayla. I was so preoccupied with this girl that I could barely remember to breath while talking about her. Could it be, I'd become unbearably miserable to be around for an extended period of time? Even if I had, that's no reason to stop hanging out with me. So then, what was it?

Example 3: Kayla. So, granted she wasn't my girlfriend. And, okay, yeah, she's engaged. But that's no reason to stop coming over for sex, allowing me to believe desperately that we have a meaningful relationship. I mean, how can she deny it? We're soul mates. Meanwhile, she won't even admit to her friends that we're involved, citing that I'm "creepy". She runs back to her REAL boyfriend at the slightest hint of dependency. WTF?

So, what could the common denominator be? What link is there between these 3 examples? It couldn't possibly be my behavior. All 3 of these people must simply be fickle. Fickle, because they don't have what it takes to be real friends. They don't understand what goes into a relationship. And, believe me, I DO know. I'm a giver. I give, and give, never asking for anything... minus frequent validation, shielding from any and all criticism, dinner, and undying patience.

At this point, I'm starting to think money may not be the tie that binds… as I had previously thought regarding Sagien. Instead, I'm at more of a loss for reasoning than ever before. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to consider I'm the problem. But, no one understands me. Furthermore, I reserve the right to insist that people accept me as I am, and never abandon me. Why should I evolve into a better person?

POLL: Am I really so unbearable?

PS: I'm not perfect. I know that. I'm kind of like... a Honda Civic! ...owned by some piece of white trash. No, really. Hear me out. I'm small... not terribly quick... not very clean, and I've got a crappy decal of Calvin on me that won't EVER come off. Sometimes, even I wouldn't be surprised if a dude with a mullett jumped on my back and rode me home.

Posted by slobfat at October 25, 2005 05:33 PM