-=(Sagien)=-

Lasers.

Scientist and sociologists alike have been running off at the mouth for years about what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Opposable thumbs? Undoubtedly. ...Our ability to reason? Perhaps. ...Science? You're getting warmer!

Perhaps what truly separate man from beast are lasers.

Think about it:

Do apes have lasers? Not yet.

How about sharks? Probably never.

In a post titled "Gettysburgh, PA", the United Brethren Euro-Mormon blog has implied that what separates mankind apart is war, by stating that "Animals don't go to war". Don't kid yourself- I'm pretty sure they would if they had lasers.

It seems the only species on earth that possesses this kind of technology is humans, and our spectrum of application is infinite.

How infinite, you say? Well, here are a few examples:

EXAMPLE 1) Torcher

James Bond, himself, almost lost his crotch to a laser.

EXAMPLE 2) Health Care Services

My good friend Dave underwent surgical correction to his vision, made possible by lasers.

EXAMPLE 4) Cosmetic Use

Electrolysis is just another name for laser. But you wouldn't pay to get your pubes singed off if they told you what they were really going to use.

EXAMPLE 5) National defense

Enough said.

And most recently, I was delighted to stumble upon an entirely new example just last weekend, while enjoying a vanilla milkshake at the Galloway Diner. It's a bit difficult to explain, so perhaps it would serve this dissertation to simply show you the ad from my placemat.

Now, I don't know much about how lasers work, but I'm pretty sure they could fuck your car up somethin' fierce. At the very least, this couldn't be good for your paint job. And, man do I feel foolish after arguing for 10 minutes at the dealership, insisting that I don't need rustproofing or laser-coating.

Hooray for lasers.

Posted by ninjamonkeygeek at March 2, 2006 08:19 PM