-=(Sagien)=-

This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

I don't want to give a shit, but I do. I don't want to share how I feel, but I will. It is not an act of wanting your attention. I just want to know that someone else is capabe of feeling.

In my travels, I've learned that what people say is not enough. Words are meaningless when there is nothing else to show for.

On this blog, I laid myself out to all of you. You've seen me happy, depressed, content, upset, and a myriad of other feelings and states of mind. Now I come to you to show that I am lost. I no longer wish to be here.

I know the opposite to this is true: It seems that nobody is really listening.. or maybe it is that people just don't understand.

This is my heart on my sleeve... and I fuckin hate it.

Step back eleven years into the past.

The sound of the modem finally finding the line not busy. I wake up from a half asleep state and check the time. It's three in the morning.

Vitalogy is playing on my cassette deck. I had it on repeat. I get up from my bed and sit on the uncomfortable chair in front of my computer.

I watch the wonder of 2400bps connection speed to the BBS. Line after line of ANSI graphics agonizingly scroll by.

Welcome to Dragon's Laid BBS

A few more screens later, I go to the mail menu to check my messages. It said I had one.

From: Harper
To: Undertaker
Subject: hi

i am new here.. wanna show me around?

I instruct the BBS that I wanted to reply to the message.

To: Harper
Subject: Re: hi

Sure, man. What do you wanna know?

I go on my merry way to play LoRD. Today, I can purchase an Able's Sword. The armor can come later...

....

The next evening, I logged back on. I have a new message.

From: Harper
To: Undertaker
Subject: Re: hi

I'm not a guy.

Next comes the mundane details of how a relationship starts. It includes me buying her her own Able's Sword a few days later and then me getting to touch her vagina a few weeks after that. I'll spare you the details.

We'll skip ahead to two years later and how I should've learned my lesson.

I had just pryed her off of me, after she was clinging to me begging me not to go.

Mike, I love you. We were meant to be together. ::sob::

I ripped her hand out of my arm forcefully. Her nails were digging into my skin.

It's over.

I slammed the door in her face.

This was my first real relationship and I ended it. It was quite possibly one of the hardest things I've ever done. You just want to hold on.

So, we'll be separated for a week? Then we can see if we can try again?, she asked.

That sounds reasonable, was my reply.

Three days later she's seeing someone else. Four days later, she's fucking someone else. Five days later, she's rubbing it in my face. Six days later, I lost a tooth because I was drunk.

This is where I should've learned my lesson. To this I wrote a haiku. It's rather beautiful.

Go to hell you bitch.
I never should've given
You that Able's Sword.

I want my LoRD money back.

Posted by sagien at March 21, 2006 08:17 AM