-=(Sagien)=-

You motherbitches...

So, I guess this is how it is. I bust out some hottie pics of myself and all you bastards can do is rip on me. Rip on sagien day. Good job.

I totally fuckin own you with my hair.

So as I was writing my post..

This fuckin shit happens to me on aim:

HotStacey352: What\'s up in knightpire land? When\'s your next post going up? Pretty funny stuff.
KnightPire: whos this?
HotStacey352: I'm Stacey.
KnightPire: hi stacey
HotStacey352: how r you?
KnightPire: im scared of girls
HotStacey352: so... do u have a car?
KnightPire: yes
KnightPire: its a minivan
HotStacey352: Alright.
KnightPire: alright what?
HotStacey352: what kind of movies do u like?
KnightPire: uh the new ones that are out =P
HotStacey352: do you have a lot of friends?
KnightPire: sort of but i dont hang out with any of them
HotStacey352: we should talk more?
KnightPire: sure
HotStacey352: So do you have a job?
KnightPire: im actualy writing up the post right now
HotStacey352: Do u get good grades in school or are u out of school?
KnightPire: yep most of those pics of me are from my job
KnightPire: i go to college
HotStacey352: i was driving the other day, this homo almost slammed into me. do you drive?
KnightPire: huh?
HotStacey352: What is your favorite type of music?
KnightPire: uh
KnightPire: ilisten to rap
HotStacey352: I love to watch football. ever watch football?
KnightPire: yeah
HotStacey352: im pretty bored, so I'm surfing AIMAwayMessages.com it's pretty cool, lots of funny away messages, what do you think?
KnightPire: are you a bot?
HotStacey352: Sometimes.
KnightPire: i dont get it
HotStacey352: thats nice.
KnightPire: youre hopping from topic to topic
HotStacey352: ;-).
KnightPire: clearly
KnightPire: i am talking to a bot
HotStacey352: Have u done anything exciting today?
KnightPire: nope
KnightPire: i sat around doing nothing
HotStacey352: thats too bad.
KnightPire: eating asian meat pockets
HotStacey352: movie prices are so high here jeez...
KnightPire: where is here?
HotStacey352: I think somewhere in the southern hemisphere.
KnightPire: weezer
HotStacey352: Are u online a lot?
KnightPire: (im testing to see if keywords work on you)
HotStacey352: I work at Gap, folding clothes mostly, loads of fun, lol.
KnightPire: male sperm whale penis
KnightPire: oh yes im online alot
HotStacey352: Do you have a lot of friends?
KnightPire: you already asked me that
HotStacey352: we were discussing u -- not me.
KnightPire: why me?
KnightPire: im really not all that interesting
HotStacey352: How should i know?
KnightPire: i dunno
KnightPire: how should you know?
HotStacey352: Thats nice.
KnightPire: haha
HotStacey352: Lol yea.
HotStacey352: You have been talking to a computer! One of your friends is now reading the whole conversation and laughing it up! GET EVEN! Have the bot talk to all your friends by visiting http://aim.wasystems.net
KnightPire: do you read my site alot?
KnightPire: rofl
KnightPire: pwned

So I guess in accordance to rip on Sagien day, this shit will come up? I don't know who did this but whoever did it, thanks for the material. Weaksauce.

Ok, I can't wait for your photoshopped pics to prove me wrong.

This guy's name is Andy. Some of you might know him better as Zdravko. This guy is the coolest guy ever. Check out some of his skillz...

KnightPire: i almost used your pic for my new post
KnightPire: but i didnt
AndyMSU2003: rofl why?
KnightPire: i found something more retarded looking
AndyMSU2003: haha stfu
AndyMSU2003: thx gold medal
AndyMSU2003: thx first on my heat
AndyMSU2003: thx macking hoes
AndyMSU2003: thx girl checked me out 3x in spandex
AndyMSU2003: -fin
KnightPire: nevermind I was wrong

What is this "macking hoes"? And the girl checking you out 3x in spandex. Were you in spandex? Or was she? Thx fin.

So I guess some retaliation is in order.

That's maxpunx. You look like Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. Good thing I don't work for you anymore or I'd be fired. Thx fin.

Look its a mincus. Thanks, I'm Korean now. Notice the blood drip out of mouth from sucking too much male genitalia.
Thx fin.

I know I've used this pic before, but now we shall go through some scrutiny with it. SCRUTINY: THIS PIC IS RETARD DAY MATERIAL. Man didn't we already establish that I am 10x better than you? And wednesday's post wasnt out of the blue, you ASKED me to do it. See?

ninjamonkeygeek: can you make fun of me so i can feel cool?
KnightPire: sure thing.

Thx. Fin.

Oh dont think I forgot about you..

Ooh its an April. Oh its an April. According to mincus, I am Korean. And yes I use monglosheen as shampoo. Don't make me bust out some pics of you. yes thx fin.

One more..

That is the true form of wombat. THX FIN.

Clearly. I am ninja? You morons shoulda listened to Brahmus' advice when he got first post like a champ yesterday.

KENNY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Ah, Mrs. Turner. How are you doing these days?

Speaking of ...

also..

These pictures have come to us courtesy of Joe Camel. Good luck to you!

Why is Sagien ten times cooler than ninjamonkeygeek?

ninjamonkeygeek(nmg) requested at some point in time that I make a post about how cool he is to show Brahmus up. Silly whitey, that's not how we do business here...

Now disregard the fact that he has a better job, more friends, an office, a coffee mug, or that he's posing with Weezer in the last pic. All those points are irrelevant to the subject at hand.

We will, however, take into account that this gentleman logs on to slow ass friendster every fuckin day and refreshes it(we won't even mention how often he refreshes this site on a given day). He has accumulated a total of 46 friends on friendster on last count. A mighty achievement, I must say.

Also..

nmg has a certain tendency to be gay. I will not say that he is openly gay, but the possibilities are there. I will not say what is going on outside the borders of the aforementioned photograph except that he is getting a blowjob. From a guy. At least thats what the face suggests. I have said too much.

While me on the other hand, is ALL MAN 24/7 ASIAN HOTNESS! you drool at me, ninjamonkeygeek. Oh you wish you were me.

Which brings us to the next subject.

Driving. Man what the fuck are you thinking?! You call that driving? Bitch, I look cooler trying to suck my left nad.

While me on the other hand...

OH IN THE FACE! I am the Golden Brown Sun God, The Eastern Mountain of Perfection. Are you losing yourself in my gaze, nmg? I THINK SO!

What is that look on your face? You are..

A) Crying over the loss of something
B) Trying to get a massive turd out of your ass or..
C) You just blew your massive lovejuice over some 12yr old boy's face.

I cannot guess as to the origin of this expression, we will let the jury decide.

Through all this, I remain the supreme awesomeness. And at this juction I have decided that I have completely made my point clear. CLEARLY MY POINT IS CLEAR. My fuckin dog is cooler than you.

-Sagien

Eat it John Walley

Good day, ladies and gentlemen. It was one slow ass boring weekend for me, filled with mind erasers and Brahmus whining about not getting laid. Join the club, fuckhead.

Hmm.. the kids you run into these days...

A few notable performances

I'd like to take this opportunity to applaud animplodingvoice. The full account of his prowess can be found here.

This is the mega-mastermind: Dr. AnImplodingVoice, PHd

Also, this came across my desk one day...

Umbra Fir: and I think mike had every right. I would have gladly let him beat the shit out of me. I live my guilt. If I could take it back, I would in a heart beat. but I can not.

Fuckin' A, bro. Tell me when and where, I'll bring my asian gang along.

I'm an asshole and a half

The saga of middlefingersalute continues. This bastard keeps deleting my comments on his site. I mean quality comments like:

Your son looks like a tool.
Posted 10/24/2003 at 4:31 PM by sagien

and...

You sure he's[the son] yours?
Posted 10/25/2003 at 10:52 AM by sagien

So I decided to confront him with an email. It started off friendly enough..

Subject: Recommendation from sagien@max-data.com View Full Header
View Printable Version
From: sagien@max-data.com
Date: Fri, October 24, 2003 7:57 pm
To: slipxaway@yahoo.com
Priority: Normal

Hello. How are you today. It seems that you have chosen the wong patty to
cwaaaaasshhhh... Did you recognize a fight you couldn't win? Why so silent all of a sudden? It seems rather unlike your original outburst at a post I made that was not in any way, shape or form directed at you?
What's the matter? clux-clux?

To which he responded:

Subject: Re: Recommendation from sagien@max-data.com View Full Header
View Printable Version
From: slipxaway@yahoo.com
Date: Fri, October 24, 2003 9:26 pm
To: sagien@max-data.com
Priority: Normal

To be honest, I just don't like you, you annoy me, but then again, so does most of the world's population. I have too much shit going on right now, shit that far
overshadows any petty Internet bullshit. So, yes, if you want to say I recognized a fight I couldn't win, so be it.. Have a fun life.

jarod

Sensing that I was in the wrong, and felt that I have hurt a truly unique individual, I decided to become his friend, with some sagely advice(whoops did I just post his yahoo account? I don't know how these things work):

Subject: Re: Recommendation from sagien@max-data.com View Full Header
View Printable Version
From: sagien@max-data.com
Date: Fri, October 24, 2003 9:52 pm
To: slipxaway@yahoo.com
Priority: Normal

You know suicide could be helpful. Cuz like if you hate the world, you
should just end your life. I mean your kid can grow up without a Dad, but
he's probably better off anyway because your genepool didn't seem to have
the "I'm too fuckin stupid to have kids" strain. Think about it. I'll be
here for support.

Perhaps he took my advice. He stopped emailing me back. Good for him.

Thats all I have for today. I hope it was as enlightening to you as it was for me.

--Sagien

And the results are in

Today might be considered the culmination of a couple of projects.

I am in utter awe.

EAT IT JOHN WALLEY

Umbra Fir: do I have you to thank for the random eat it messages?
KnightPire: huh?
Umbra Fir: I've been getting random "EAT IT JOHN WALLEY" messages
KnightPire: you have?
Umbra Fir: since that is your normal greeting I figured I have you to thank
Umbra Fir: yep
KnightPire: hmm
KnightPire: how many are you getting?
Umbra Fir: got 2 or 3 so far today
KnightPire: hmm
KnightPire: going to class now
KnightPire: later
Umbra Fir: ciao

It started off rather innocently enough, I should say. Brahmus waited patiently like a ninja.

Umbra Fir: nm I found the source of this in your journal
Umbra Fir: bastard
Umbra Fir: I must say you suck for that dude
Umbra Fir: and here I thought you got over that.
Umbra Fir: dude like I told you before though I am sorry for that, it fucked my life up more than you can imagine. very little good came from me going to phx.
Umbra Fir: I don't know what else to say about it, almost 6 years later, I thought you had gotten over it but I guess not

Why Mr. Walley, you may have guessed correctly. But then again, this was just fuckin hilarious. Thanks for being a good sport. Bastard.

Umbra Fir: FinalDraftX
BtotheRhamus
both sent me your msg
Umbra Fir: animplodingvoice joins the fray
Umbra Fir: nijamonkeygeek now
Umbra Fir: freakazoid887 now
Umbra Fir: ILikeSheepBaaH now
Umbra Fir: xEverythingBluex now

He even kept me updated on the status of my campaign. How rather lovely of him. And there have been some MVP performances from a few people. And who the fuck is ILikeSHeepBaaH?

animplodingvoice: animplodingvoice (3:42:17 PM): EAT IT JOHN WALLEY!!
Umbra Fir (3:42:30 PM): no thanks
Umbra Fir (3:44:03 PM): so is this mike or mincus?
animplodingvoice (3:44:15 PM): neither.
Umbra Fir (3:44:22 PM): a complete random
animplodingvoice (3:44:22 PM): but you should eat it none the less.
Umbra Fir (3:44:28 PM): I try to avoid it
animplodingvoice (3:44:36 PM): and i hear your mother is a whore.
Umbra Fir (3:44:49 PM): really now

Wonderful job there. I'm rather proud.

Umbra Fir: thanks for the msg, I'll let sagien know you sent it
FinalDraftX: EAT IT JOHN WALLY
FinalDraftX: Umbra Fir: yes I caught that already
FinalDraftX: are you sure?
FinalDraftX: because...
FinalDraftX: EAT IT JOHN WALLY
FinalDraftX: Umbra Fir: you might want to recheck his post, you mispelled my last name
FinalDraftX: not on the t-shirt. hahahah
FinalDraftX: Umbra Fir: on a tshirt even
FinalDraftX: oh, yes... yes yes yes
Umbra Fir: interesting, bordering on harrassment, but interesting never the less. I didn't think most people would be willing to spend money to put my name on a t-shirt, and then wear it
FinalDraftX: you were worth the 4 bux
Umbra Fir: wow, I'm touched
FinalDraftX: ah, ah... you're retarded
FinalDraftX: Umbra Fir: wow, seems like you stretched for that one
FinalDraftX: not really. considering youre pretty close to being a retard.
FinalDraftX: man, you walk right into these.
FinalDraftX: Umbra Fir: yeah well I'm waiting to see the end of you wit regarding this.
FinalDraftX: how can you take a phrase as golden as "Eat it john walley" and think the wit can possibly end? cause, lemme tell ya, it cant.

Wombat, I wouldn't have expected anything less out of you. I will take action shots of the shirt as soon as I retrieve it.

And fuckin' A those comments from the last post rock too.

A very successful campaign, I would say. Thanks for the showing. Oh and by all means, you guys don't have to cease telling him to eat it.

In other news..

Check this faggotry out. Clearly a case of a tortured artist. A lost soul if you will. I want to be totally cool like this guy.

Look I am also dark and brooding. I need some dark and brooding poetry now too.

I am dark and brooding......
I feel anguish that is not soothing...
My soul is shattered, who am I fooling...

wtf, thats all totally gay.

If you find yourself wondering what prompted this, all I have to say is that this dark and tortured soul decided to lash out at me out of nowhere. These are excerpts from a certain blogsite that will not be mentioned..

Yeah, Xangans are sort of like those pretenious assholes who have their own website dedicated to their pathetic lives, deluded into thinking that anyone would actually give a shit about them. You know, not like you or anything...

Posted 10/22/2003 at 12:56 PM by middlefingersalute

If you looked at my site, you will see that you're a moron.
Posted 10/22/2003 at 4:08 PM by sagien

i'm a moron because you're an asshole who thinks you are better than everyone else, when you do the exact same shit? Sure pal, if it helps you sleep, i'm a moron.
Posted 10/22/2003 at 5:03 PM by middlefingersalute

I'm apologetic. I didn't mean to insult you. Im sorry.

Posted 10/22/2003 at 5:42 PM by sagien

Yeah fuck you.

There are no winners in the sex contest. How disappointing.

Oh yes..

HEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo...

FAT! blublublublublub....

Oh boy

It is wednesday. Will it be weaksauce wednesday? Or something else entirely?

Im not sure, but I just took some dayquil and im drunk as fuck. My throat is raw like I just sucked some dick. No im not gay.

Not if shft has anything to say about it...

Round One.. FIGHT!

And in this corner....

In the pink bunny ears and the soon to be waxed body.. BRAHMUS!

Clearly, ninjamonkeygeek is a fag and an idiot, and it should get its very own post on Monday. If you don't know proper syntax and use of the word "clearly" don't fucking use it. It's OUR slang not your's you piece of shit wannabe. Go castrate yourself so that my children don't grow up in a world where people like you reproduce.

Posted by: Brahmus at October 20, 2003 11:31 PM

And with the preemptive strike on his opponent. (whoever that may be...)

His combative nature is made apparent by his verbal and visual assault...

His opponent.. weighing in at.. almost wombat sized proportions... NINJAMONKEYGEEK!

WOW! Brahmus sure has a great deal of pent up hostility for absolutely no reason. I wonder how sexually frustrated he/she must be to impose such importance over a syntax discrepancy. Unless he/she is just so unhappy whith themself that they feel an impulsive need to displace anger or project faults onto others. Or maybe he/she harbors feelings of sexual confusion for me. That MUST be it. Brahmus wants my manhole. & since Brahmus is the ONLY person on here I don't know- he/she can eat my ass- cuz I RULE! & to prove it, there's a mug in my office that says so. & if THAT wasn't enough for you, I have my own office. Clearly, I'm awesome.

Posted by: ninjamonkeygeek at October 21, 2003 11:33 AM

Little is known about this cagey fighter. (which means I don't have that many pics of him) But CLEARLY, he can hit back. Maybe with his mug of absolute reasoning, he can be the winner of this match.

Just look at that face of grim determination.

And so the stage is set... and for this MEGA-GALA-EVENT.. the Slobbering Retard will make its appearance.

courtesy of psyner and the coolio phone that saves lives...

Clearly?

So Joe, Wombat and I were walking around the mall the next day...

And we see a group of asians.

Not this particular bunch, but we all look the same. So...

Joe said...

"Mike you should go say hi.. They are you're bretheren after all..."

And I said .. hmm..

"Joe," I began, "It wouldn't be right...." when SUDDENLY!

UUUUUUUUuuuuuuung-DAAAAAAAAAAH DOOOOOOOOOOo-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaah!

Thats pretty much day 2 of NJ visit.. i hung out with friends etc, but Ill keep that part to myself.

Who is John Walley?

Well according to some people, he is like the elusive reptile.

John Walley fucked someone I went out with. He was my best friend. She fucked him cuz she wanted a ride back to Phoenix, AZ from NJ and John Walley had a car. She wanted to go back to Phoenix cuz she wanted to be fuckin another guy who lived there. She ditched him 3 days after they arrived in Phoenix. Oh yeah. His screenname is Umbra Fir.

so EAT IT JOHN WALLEY.

I am undecided as to what pic to leave you people with. Oh I know.

(DISCLAIMER: shft and I are in not homosexuals)

-sagien

Revolutionz

Hmm, yes it has been weaksauce week, so I suppose its time I put something up with some meat to it and what have you.

I went on a trip, a journey if you will, to recalibrate my senses, find myself once again.

What I have found is that I am bitter.

Uuung-DAH Doooo-Hah!

[Picture deleted. There's an Asian in this picture.. try using your imagination]

That is an Asian. Just to avoid confusion.
I want to share with you a trick amongst us azn folk. It is a self-identification trick to signify your presence to other asians. Don't try it if your skin isn't the golden brown color that God produced out of his easy bake oven (that is if you're undercooked, or burnt, you're not azn?).

When you spot an azn, or even better, a group of azns, go up to their face and yell... 'UUUUuuhGH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Doo-Haaaaaaaa' Clearly this will please them. Try it, its fun. And watch your white friends cower in fear and embarassment. Little do they know, this is a right of passage amongst us brown-folk.

Eat it John Walley

His screenname is Umbra Fir say that to him, please. I will explain later.

Woo a trip

Clearly, I was devastated by the response to wednesday's post. I had to find myself once again. No more weaksauce stuff, brahmus said. At the same time, I was devastated by Nilez and his loss.

This is the story of my trip. I will tell it in pictures....

The first leg of my trip was to Cherry Hill, NJ to visit Amanda. I was late because of awful traffic. But I saw Dave. This guy is awesome. He tells me how this kid, Kevin Keyser, couldn't sleep on his back because he was so retarded he could swallow his tongue. Then he laughed his ass off.

Next I went to Somers Point, NJ, where I grew up. I saw Wombat there. Thats him, after eating the mighty Lumberjack Slam at Denny's at around 4am. I had the Breakfast Dagwood and my mighty azn stomach hath defeated it. It was a worthy foe. Ken was there too. It was health day number 2 for him I think. I don't understand how that works, really.

Oh god, I wish I had a picture of Mrs. Turner. Can someone donate this please?
Anyway, I arrive at Ken's house at 2am and he said he'd leave the door open for me. Just walk in, he says. Everything will be fine, he says. So i did.

Not 10 minutes later, his mother comes downstairs.

"KENNY GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.... oh hi Mike, how have you been? *wave*... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING STOMPING AROUND IN MY HOUSE AT TWO IN THE FUCKIN MORNING WITH THOSE UGY SHOES ON..."

Ya know, the normal thing..

God this is getting long. I can save the rest for Monday I suppose. More of the story in pictures, and I guess I'll have explain who John Walley is. But for now, remember his screenname is Umbra Fir. Make sure you get it right when you say to him..

EAT IT JOHN WALLEY

-sagien

Blah blah blah blah

Its time for my weaksauce not so funny wednesday post I guess..

Look cute ass!

Yes, its taken by the coolio phone that I dont feel like linking anymore.

I guess read on for totally unoriginal bullshit

Wombat reminded me of this

Anal Cunt -- 40 More Reasons to Hate Us

Tracklist:
1. Face It, You're A Metal Band
2. Punching Joe Bonni's Face In
3. Kill Women
4. Steroids Guy
5. Everyone In Allston Should Be Killed
6. I Noticed That You're Gay
7. Dead, Gay, And Dropped
8. You Look Divorced
9. I Hope You Get Deported
10. Mike Mahan Has Gingivitis
11. Trapped
12. You're A Fucking Cunt
13. Phyllis Is An Old Annoying Cunt
14. Al Stankus Is Always On The Phone With His Bookie
15. Bill Scott's Dumb
16. Harvey Korman Is Gay
17. You Fucking Freak
18. Theme From Three's Company
19. Jeanine Jizm Is A Freak
20. Everyone In Anal Cunt Is Dumb
21. I Just Saw The Gayest Guy On Earth
22. Johnny Violent Getting His Ass Kicked By Morrisey
23. Metamorphosis
24. I'm Sick Of You
25. Howard Wulkan's Bald
26. You're A Trendy Fucking Pussy
27. Tom Arnold
28. I Got Athletes Foot Showering At Mike's
29. Big Pants, Bigger Loser
30. Marc Payson Is A Drunk
31. Your Family Is Dumb
32. Furnace
33. You're Dumb
34. Van Full Of Retards
35. Deche Charge Are A Bunch Of Fucking Losers
36. Everyone In The Underground Music Scene Is Stupid
37. Dumb, Fat, & Gross
38. I'm Not Stubborn
39. Mike Mahan's Sty
40. 02657
41. Gloves Of Metal\duet With Philip Anselmo
42. Bonus Track

Also

Why the fuck can't people speak goddamn fucking English in this country. I mean, if I went to Nilez's country, I'm sure I'd learn to speak whatever language he speaks before I got there.

English only at the table please...

Yes and that was the weaksauce wednesday post.. discuss..

Oh its friday..

Well then. To start things off...

That's there due to popular demand. I did not have sexual relations with that duck.

There are several things I'd like to go over... so read on, yes?

Spot the flaws!

mincus: hey you
psyner: i feel like ass
mincus: :/
mincus: how come?
psyner: i got my period and im so miserable
psyner: bring me tampons and pamprin :-(
mincus: :-(
mincus: awww... i figured you would ask for chocolate :-)
psyner: chocolate would be good too
mincus: do you really need me to get you some?
mincus: of those things

Hmm.. mincus may never trust me ever again.

Oh whats this?

I have formulated a contest in my brain over the last few days. It involves some work on your part, but it may end up mildly amusing.

Basically, I want to collect recordings of You(my readers) having sex. Audio is fine, but video would work rather well as far as deciding authenticity goes. No mother, you may not take part in this game.

As far as authenticity goes, uhm I'm sure you guys can be ingenius enough to insert something that will let me know that they're geniune.

Email me these uhm things at sagien@max-data.com and I will decide if it is the best sex I've ever heard(seen?).. and if it is, I will get you a tshirt. I haven't decided on the designs yet, but hopefully you will deem them worthy of this effort. I'll post designs at a later entry.

This contest will run its course over the next 2 weeks. I was thinking one week, but some of you might need time to setup. Since *I* do not get laid, I will not be participating in this endeavour, plus it might be a bit biased and whatnot.

So, two weeks to gather entries. Comment if you think you'll need more time.

Oh yes, can someone ask shftleft about azn drivers, please?

Oh! One more thing. Theres a new blog under the iseeseveralflaws banner.
Everyone welcome our comment MvP Nilez into the fold

Questions, comments, viewpoints... ?

Superman-like, even

Yes I understand that its post day.

Yes, I know I have no material for today.

No it's not my fuckin fault. And for chrissake, keep it clean you assholes, my mother reads this.

I guess I should take this opportunity to get some things straight, and I suppose it would only be proper to introduce myself, ya know since all you people have been looking at this lately and whatnot.

Ok well...

There will be addendums made to the friend write off game. By addendums, I meant people to add. I'll get to that when I get my shit together and move that whole contest to its own page. And on retrospect, one person who I didn't even mention almost made it off the list. Don't ask, I won't tell you who it is. Let's not ruin their chances, eh?

I had a tremendous response to the Retard Day post. I actually did have someone else in mind, but I figured I deserved the honor to become the first Retard Day subject ever. I should get a tshirt for it or something.

Oh yes, thanks are in order. My good buddy over at bramus.com has been providing us with a wonderful amount of traffic. Also, April has been showing people what we're up to here as well. She's my ex-girlfriend and is an interesting character. Go there at your own risk. Brahmus is fine though, there are no gay men there whatsoever. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Oh yes, we have a new blogger as well. Check out finaldraftx's blog here. He whines a lot and he's fat. But apparently spiders crawl up his ass.

I should probably put a picture of something up, all these words are making things look boring. Hmm. How about some self-inflicted humiliation?

I figured most of my readers have already seen that. And for those of you who haven't, I saved you the trouble of looking.

Well doesn't that make a good segue into introducing myself.

I am sagien, known in some circles as knightpire. I put this site up not to talk about myself, but to have fun. I will not whine about things on here, if you know me well enough, you'll see that I'll whine to you personally. I think that's all I'm gonna say about myself.

Also, this is lunch:

Brought to you by the coolio phone that saves lives....

Ugh.. I forgot.

I am really trying to be bright and chipper this morning, despite the previous evening's activities. Good thing I dont suffer from hangovers...

In fact, I am rather excited about today. Why am I excited you ask?

Why, my good man.. woman.. its the first ever celebration of Retard Day! brought to you by the coolio phone that saves lives.

Yay Retard Day woo woo.. argh! its a hurrican.. ooh its a hurricane....

Oh you must be as excited as I am to see who would be honored as the first Retard Day subject. Well, here he is..

Good job, retard. Wtf are you looking at?

Whats so funny? This makes you wonder what retards laugh about...

And laugh about it for 10 minutes afterwards. The subject clearly demonstrates his capacity for mental retardation in the last two exhibits.

As obvious as it might seem from the pictures about how retarded this person is.. I feel that I should add in another piece of evidence to support my theory.
This is an excerpt from and AIM conversation. The retard in question is KnightPire. Feel free to IM him and tell him how retarded he is. He will probably laugh about it for half an hour.

KnightPire: whats retarded about me
mincus: beer labels
KnightPire: hah
mincus: your azn driving :-P
KnightPire: no
KnightPire: im a great driver
mincus: see?
mincus: retarded to the end
KnightPire: im blogging this

We always have to pay attention to the words of the great mincus.

As a last bit of evidence as to why I.. i mean KnightPire.. is retarded, as this post was being formulated, I was down to the last line of typing and one last picture to upload to finish off the post. Then for some retard reason, I lost the entire entry without saving it. So I had to rewrite the whole thing. As mincus already said, case and point.

But isn't this drink pretty?

It has begun.

Very well...

We are going to start this month off with a wonderful ongoing game.

We shall call this little game the Friend Write-Off Game. Granted, we already have a couple of people written off. They have not been necessarily been deemed as not friends of sagien, but as far as the "circle" is concerned, they are gone. If you are one of them, and are slighty confused, check back often as to the status of your "friendship"...

So.. without further ado, here's your lineup..

Okay so from left to right....

Jose is Sagien's brother. Notice as he distances himself in the picture..
Sagien could this "dick move" of a post turn me into the next person written off?
April is one of the people already written off. Sagien's ex-girlfriend. Consider her out of the picture.
Mincus yay. This whole game was his idea, actually. Shift blame to him thanks.
Cyanne has also been written off. She is the ex-girlfriend of the next person in line.
Jeff is so cool looking in this pic. Too cool for us maybe.
Amanda will hopefully spend more time hanging out with us rejects?
Jen takes forever finding shoes. I mean, really. and if
Ken would be more concise with the use of the English language...

These are all good friends at one point or another. However, as I have noticed over the years, people fall off the face of the earth or just start hating each other. Why not make a game out of it, yes?

As mentioned, this will be an ongoing game. I will update it as people get "written-off", not necesarily by me, but as a concensus of the "circle". People may return too -- you never know.

Also, people will start popping in an out as "new friends" as well. Those will get mentioned and mugshots will be supplied. There are a few others that are not pictured as well. You know who you are. You are not exempt.

Anyhoo. That's out of the way. I shall post quite regularly. I have decided on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. Please give me some feedback on this. I'd like to know how many friends I've lost because of this game.

Holy Jesus Becrapicus

OMGOMGOMG....

Sagien is the big hero last night. He may have even saved lives.

I saw a car crash last night. It happened 5 seconds before I drove by. There was still all the wonderful smoke coming out of one car, while the other car was swerving around dazed when I saw it. And mincus said azn drivers are bad. Clearly, none of those drivers close to dying were asian?

Ok, so this is kind of what happened.

I get out of retard english class as my phone rings. It was friend Matt. Matt informs me that he is hungry. I said, okay let me check my busy schedule for the evening and I will call you back. He said cool.

As I hang up, phone rings again. Damn, Im popular. It was friend April. April is also in need of some nourishment. An idea sparks in my head.

'Very well, ' I said, 'I shall gather you and then we shall meet Matt and his friends at the renowned International House of Pancakes!'

Dinner was mostly uneventful. All the cool stuff happened between the hours of midnight and 3am. More cool towards the beginning than the end.

After dinner, I started driving friend April home. We were engaged in idle chit chat in the car when I noticed what I thought was a drunk driver in a white van up ahead on the road. He was swerving in and out of lanes, making the van look like some drugged up elephant trying to walk down the road. I get on the furthest lane away from him to avoid a collision.

Meanwhile, April noticed something on the side of the road.

'Oh my god, ' she said, 'a car...'

At that point I was driving right by the smoking remains of some black car with (clearly?) no asians in it. There were two slumped bodies over in the front seats.

Friend April goes hysterical. Starts crying. Uncontrollably. Apparently she saw a bit more than I did.

Being the safe driver that I am, with a non-commital nature of never being involved in what we shall describe as unnecessary drama, I drove right by.

I took out my handy coolio phone, however, and dialed 911. Said coolio phone goes into 'Emergency Mode'. I steeled myself into admiring this wonderful phenomenon at a later time.

'911 how can I help you?'

I have never called these people before.

'Uh, I saw a car accident.'

'Ok, Im transferring you'

......... .. . . . . .

'Hello? Where is the accident?'

'I have utterly no clue as to what streetnames are. I have a GPS locator on my phone. Do you have me?' Man its cool to sound that cool.

'Yes, I have you.'

'Well its a couple of blocks down from where I am on Georgia between Blair Rd and the 495 exit.'

'Thank you, we have people on the way, ' he said.

Sagien is the big hero.

April is still hysterical. April remained hysterical until 3am. Sagien has no sleep.

-fin