-=(Sagien)=-

Courtney has pink eye.. -Rob

Hiya! Drive much lately?

The smooth form of a hottie asian driving... All girls drool.

Forsooth!

I will keep this rather short because most of everyone probably isnt going to read this because they're too busy shopping and having lives...

Wednesday night was the awesome. Cheers to ME for being super master planner. Jeers to wombat for being superwhineywhorebitch "I have a headache, I don't wanna hang out.." From this day on, I shall refer to wombat as superwhineywhorebitch.

To quote the words of the mighty NMG, "Courtney has pink-eye isn't the gayest excuse ever formed anymore."

GODDAMN

Curse the weakness of the coolio phone in the dark! There was this totally badass asian dude in the casino and he had a fuckin' mohawk. The people I was there with can attest for my multiple attempts to save his life with the coolio phone. Alas I have failed. I tried to make up for it by yelling Ungdah DooHah several times at the asian posse, but I think I just angered them. Which is odd, cuz I'm asian. Perhaps they can't see very well in the dark with their squinty eyes....

Thats some BULLSHIT (pronounced Bawl-Sheet). This african-american totally noticed me taking his picture. But what can he do about it? NOTHING! Thats some bawl-sheet.

So okay...

I get out and start driving home and I realized that I forgot Terminator 3 rental at my mom's. So I quickly turn the car around.. and went back for it. I walk in the door, and here was my brother watching a porno on the computer.

"Were you jerking off?" i asked.

"I was about to.. what would you have done about it?"

Thats some bawl-sheet.

and FYI, I had TURKEY for Thanksgiving. Not Dog.

=)

Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

So.. Im tired as fuck. But ze show must go on, yes?

Mmmm.. asians... mmmm.. girls..

I am in a GREAT mood!

See? Good mood. With cutesy smile and all. I am smiling at you! You know who you are.. mmm.

Anyhoo, lemme tell you why I'm in a great mood despite the long day I've had.

So I am in NJ right now. I took about 3 piss breaks along the way because I managed to consume 2 cans of Adrenaline and a bottle of Mountain Dew on the drive up. I went and hung out with Joe Camel and Kudra. Honest to god, I didn't get stabbed. But anyhow, I get home and I remember that I don't have anything to write about for todays post. Woohoo. I can't even think about what to ramble about. Until I checked my email. Lo and Behold, VD comes through. Yes he spammed me again.

[Picture deleted]

Today's topic is Random History Lesson Guy. Oh boy is he great.

[Picture deleted]

Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Se necesito una poca de gracia
Una poca de gracia para mi patilla
Y ARRIBA
Y ARRIBA!

Well thats all I really have to say about that...

I do not hate black people.

I can be cordial to the black folk. I do not hate them. I hate niggers.

[Picture deleted]

Nigger. With shifty eyes. Looking for something to steal. VD was ready with a picture ID for the cops. MVP!

[Picture deleted]

Broke ass nigger. He likes to look at things that are teh "tight". Or OH SNAP CHECK OUT THIS JOINT.

So mister sullenx, I don't hate you because you are black. When I use the word nigger, I happen to mean the dictionary meaning of the term. The people I refer to while using it just happen to be black. Blackies are teh sux.

Last but not least.. due to the popular response of the Walmart lingerie chick..

Now gather 'round and discuss..

The Quest for Coolness

Well last week just went along swimmingly!

I have to be as cool as these guys...

I have tried out several poses in my desire to be as cool as those guys. I have looked at a plethora of azn pics in a vain attempt to emulate their greatness. Alas, it seems that this holy grail of asian popularity is beyond my scope.

One of my many attempts to look cool. However, I am kindly reminded that I drive a minivan. As much as I love driving this vehicle, it is hardly the embodiment of cool. Perhaps if I lowered it, and put some racing stripes on it?

Which brings me off on a tangent. That fuckin piece of shit didn't start on me. Which forced me to call VD for help, hoping to god that he hasn't read my last post yet, cuz you know, I posted his cell phone number. He shows up about 10 minutes later in a car worthy of cool azness. Its got blue glowing shit in it. We travelled over to walmart to purchase some tools to fix my car with. Apparently you have to keep the battery leads clean on these "cars".

Now, Walmart makes my fuckin skin crawl.

People like that..

That...
(HELLO FAT!)

that, along with your varying shades of blackies shop there. Blackies are teh sux.

Ok. Back to my quest...

So I look at this dude:

And I'm all like WHOA. Man if only.. so I gave it a shot..

Clearly, I have failed. Unless that's what cool is these days. I am the Stupid Idiot Who Think He's White compared to these massive examples of asianness.

I need help.

Gothika review as requested by Dino

You'll scream like a girl. Go see it. Advice: bring a girl you'd actually wanna have sex with.

Thats all I have for today. =) Joy.

Shit I forgot a title

So after spending the last two days pretty much in bed and not thinking about anything else but sleep... fuck this shit snuck up on me.

Behold the MIGHTY brahmus. You know the guy who never updates in hopes that he'll get another 101 comments on an entry between his 5 readers....

Anyhoo...

I was at maxpunx's house tonight. I was planning on taking pictures, but it was way too dark for the coolio phone to function. I really wanted a pic of the recliner on his front yard too....

So, the past two days was practically spent doing nothing. Lunch with mincus happened and this gentleman at chipotle even smiled when he wasn't realizing that I was taking his picture.

That dude made me happy that I was brown. I think he may have even uttered a word of english or two. Love.

What was I gonna say..

Oh yes. VD should stop giving me reason to make fun of him. I am just damn tired of it. If you are going to keep spamming my email with goddamn pics of tired played out shit that you think I am going to use for my entries, you are sadly fuckin mistaken. I mean.. look at this shit:

2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:11 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:10 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:09 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:08 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:07 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:06 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:05 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:01 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 5:01 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 4:59 pm + A Picture Share!
2403551482@messaging.sprintpcs.com Thu, 4:58 pm + A Picture Share!

That is my inbox for today. All from him. And it consisted of shit like this:

Yes it is me hanging Christmas decorations. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Did you want to get a pic of my ass and let me know that you are taking these pics to inform me that you were interested in my asshole? Yes I know it's sexy. But, dude, I ain't gay.

And what is this shit?

[picture deleted]

Are you completely obsessed with that thing? We have already established the fact that we don't know for sure if its a guy or a girl. But considering the fact that you took about 40 pics of it and emailed me every single one of them, I am now leaning towards the conclusion that it is a male specimen. And you want sex with it.

BTW. That is his phone number. Jackass.

Yay, I am great

Thank you for the awesome response to my experiment. That means I'll probably do it again. And next time it will be even more depressing, just to ruin your day at work. =)

I grow weary. All this doing nothing is starting to catch up with me. Oh the 48 Marathon is this weekend. I will be sleeping. Unless staying up for it would somehow make me the coolest guy alive...

I am the Deity of Honey Brown Sweetness..

Funny here

Sometimes I hate the fact that I was born with brown skin because of the various people I encounter everyday.

Cheers to you, too you fuckin gook.

So I suppose lets declare this Asian Week

[picture deleted]

So this bitch lady comes in barely speaking english. She brought in two cd players that needed power adapters. Being the great guy that I am, I helped her out...

[picture deleted]

VD and I tagged team this bitch with pictures when we realized she was wasting my time. Well that and the fact that she asked me if I was Chinese. Who the fuck shops around for AC Adapter prices?! This pillar of asian conventional thinking also had the gall to ask me whether other places would sell it for less. My response?

"I really don't do comparison shopping on AC adapters, ma'am. So I wouldn't be able to tell you where it would be cheaper to get one."

YOU STUPID BITCH I WORK ON FUCKIN' COMMISSION. DID YOU REALLY THINK I'D TELL YOU EVEN IF I KNEW?!

[picture deleted]

I have no idea... he had a camcorder. He wanted me to charge his battery for him. For free. Because he lost his charger. He expected it done within ten minutes.

SURE! ANYTIME BECAUSE I AM ASIAN LIKE YOU I WILL DO YOU FAVORS. He fuckin asked for a discount on his new camcorder battery too. I suppose it's the "we're the same color" discount. Just because black people let other black people steal butterfingers and a loaf of bread from 7-eleven doesn't mean I'm gonna give you a discount because you have the same color skin as I do.

In other news..

Yes I am on match.com. For those of you who searched "hawt asian" on there and found me as number one hit. Speaking of number one hits... mission accomplished. I rock.

Anyway, back on the subject of match...

That person sends me a "wink." I refuse to explain match.com terminology on the grounds of them being gay.

So I check her shit out and I was like phat city, we match! Maybe I can totally score. So I start talking to her on the stupid messenger that match provides.
She was all like cool, I gotta go, I'll email you later.

Yeah right.

Or so i thought...

Subject: Hey you, it's me Teresa from Match =) View Full Header
View Printable Version
From: swtnpretty1_teresa@excite.com
Date: Mon, November 17, 2003 3:38 pm
To: sagien@max-data.com
Priority: Normal

Hi! How are you? Can you believe it's November already? Before you know it, 2003
will be over. Time is just flying by! I finally got a chance to write you back.
Anyways, sorry I had to leave so quickly when we were chatting the other day on
Match. You probably didn't believe I'd write you, but I did! =)

I must say that I feel awkward using personals to meet a guy, but the people i meet
in person are such fakes and jerks. I don't want to be mistaken, but I do love going
out, but that scene gets tiresome fast. Anyway, a friend of mine told me she met a
guy that she hit it off with on the match website so I'm giving it a shot :))

A little about me, I like to keep in shape and experience new and exciting things
and meet new people. I'm not that complicated to please, unlike some women, so an
expensive date is not what I require. I like a guy to be original and put some
thought instead of wasting money. I also think that being intimate is an important
part of a relationship but I'm not someone who sleeps around. I just don't get
intimate with someone I don't know. I need to be with you long enough, and know you
very well for me to make that intimate connection.

If you're looking for the same then we should get to know each other better and
maybe get together sometime. Let's shoot for next weekend. That will give us some
time to get acquainted. To be honest, the pic I had up on match wasn't me because I
don't completely trust those things. So here are my pictures.
http://www.4mbfreespace.com/teresasgallery/ I'd love to hear your opinion,there are
a few surprises I think you'll like.

xoxo's....Teresa ;)

So like hah. Bots love to talk to me. I was quite impressed with the hoops that thing had to go through just to get me to go to a pr0n site. Online personals are stupid. Go ahead. Try to prove me wrong.

Oh.. I would like to mention that there are two posts for today. Sorry, NMG, theres only one pic on the other one and its full of words.

Nothing funny here.

People are probably going to not be amused with this part of the post, but I wanted to see howreceptive my audience is to something other than humor.

However, I do understand that some of you come here for a laugh so today's post will actually come in two parts.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

1) If you just wanted a laugh and look at pictures, you can check out what I had regularly planned for today and not have to go through the torture of reading words.

2) I want to segregate the comments for each part of the post. I want to know how much intelligent replies as far as discussing the "not meant to be funny" post goes. At the same time, you guys can do your regular commenting thing on the "funny" post.

Ok now that that is out of the way...

The normal thought process of any given day.

So you wake up, you look around. In my case I probably hit the snooze button about 10 times, so I set my alarm about an hour and a half early before the time I actually would need to be up. I live in complete darkness, so its extra hard for me to get up. Couple that with a really comfortable bed, and its damn near impossible.

When the alarm goes off, I usually just lay here for long periods of time and mull over things about my life. The mulling goes for extended periods of time because, well, theres alot.

First off, I consider the fact that there's nobody else on my bed but myself. In the morning, after forgetting whatever dreams I've had, this can get to be a very depressing half hour. But, I get over it and move on.

I open my laptop several times before I even roll out of bed, checking IM's and email and a few websites that I can manage to type in while trying to keep the contact lenses that have been in my eyes for a long period of time.

It is a good thing that I can get ready for work in an extremely short period of time, because I am usually running late by the time I get out of bed. Anything after rolling out of bed is part of a pre-programmed routine that usually gets me to work about two minutes late.

Once I arrive at work, my day usually consists of checking sales figures, targets and what have you. I'd refresh this site for comments if my boss isn't looking. Between the hours of 10am til noon, I practically do nothing but consume copious amounts of caffienne and planning out what I want for lunch. Around 11am the txt messages start rolling in.

I know I said this is the normal thought process of any given day. Usually I think about whether I should really go pursuing finding someone to be with or not. There are pros and cons. Having someone means you have somebody you can share alot of information with without fear of being judged. I don't know if it's just me or if other people experience it, but there are quite a few things I worry about in a day. Most of this thought processes gets bottled in. Having someone means that I don't have to compartmentalize things with the everyday people I converse with. There isn't one single being that knows everything that is happening with my brain other than myself.

So, after a few minutes of debating what lunch is and taking a few pictures here and there with my phone, I'd usually start pretending like I'm working. By pretending, I mean this:

I really don't mean for that to be funny, but that is honestly what I do. I stare at a piece of paper, pretending to study it while all I'm thinking about is what I'm going to post on my next entry to make people laugh. My boss thinks its very cool of me to study numbers or "check inventory to make sure everything is there." I don't do any of that.

After lunchtime is when I do most of the selling. I blow sunshine out of my ass to the most awful people on earth. It is totally fake and can get quite frustrating. However, its what I have to do to make money.

My day isn't really depressing at all either. I get mad and frustrated at stupid coworkers, but I get over it. Text messages make me smile, and affords me a minor break in the mind numbing environment of retail.

My work day ends at around 5pm, usually. The drive home is usually filled with thoughts about what to do for the evening. The earlier part of the evening is usually filled up with plans for class. After that, its usually up in the air.

Class is usually boring and my phone is in silent mode taking in txt messages. At this point, it should be quite obvious that I am addicted to them.

A particular txt conversation comes to mind ...

It was basically a conversation about what a good relationship would be. It was decided that a good one would be one where priorities are understood beforehand. People have lives and having to provide attention for someone 24/7 is simply not doable. My priorities are work and school. Having a girlfriend would be cool but it would have to be understood that they weren't paramount in my life. I would expect the same to be true from them. However, it is hard to be with someone and remember that you have other things to worry about other than your relationship. For example, if you require attention from someone, and they aren't there to provide it because they are busy taking care of other aspects of their life, you shouldn't be entitled to getting upset because you would have to understand that you would act in the same way if the situation was reversed. I don't know. Just a theory.

Anyway. Class happens, I get out sometimes I go to dinner. The thoughts that I have broached are basically the normal things that run through my mind everyday. Do people think the same way? Or am I just odd?

Thanks for reading my ramblings. This has been an experiment. If you guys didn't like it, I won't do it again.

Where's the funny?

I have taken it upon myself to drive alot this week. I think I just ran out of energy...

My eyes are naturally like that. Go ahead. Laugh it up.

Blah

Oh its the dreaded "blah" of sagien's post. Yeah thats right, I don't even feel like writing anything tonight.

So mincus, shft and and I are at this Jew party.
It was loads of fun, lots of drinking, including the obligatory imbecile drinking game going on. Clearly an effort to get those with vaginas into a non-sober state so that the people with penises can insert said penises into corresponding vaginas with little or no effort.

quick.. picture break..

Fat lady in a little car... Anyway... so we're at this Jew party and we're getting all drunk and not really into the drinking game. And I overhear this dude going, The Washington Post is very conservative.

To which I had to retort

"Oh Washpost is just like Fox News," I said taking a huge swig of my beer. So like holy shit I just dropped the bomb or something. This gentleman (he's jewish) kindly informs me that I am correct, Fox News is very conservative.

"Fox News has Geraldo Rivera in Afghanistan. How is that conservative?" I asked.

Blah blah blah blah.. Jewish words of retort that i don't really remember or care about came out of his mouth.

"Geraldo Rivera wears a flak jacket"

At this point mincus is cracking up. Wait.. picture break..

It's the Quiznos drink man, crossing the street! So mincus is cracking up. I was trying to keep my balance while I sat in my lawn chair. I also hear words of jewish wisdom coming out of this asshat's mouth, no doubt trying to convince me that Fox News was conservative. Like I gave a damn.

"Geraldo Rivera is PACKING HEAT"

I laugh my ass off at my own display of wit. So does mincus. While I'm sure jewtard was blabbing away about how right he was, I was more concerned that my drink was already empty. I walk over to where the keg was for a refill. The keg happened to be right behind our jewish friend.

Aww look at wombat after I whipped him across the eyes with my ninja tshirt.

So.. I'm pumping more beer into my cup and all of a sudden mincus throws down...

Well, he didn't look quite that intimidating cuz he was drunk. And laughing his ass off. Jewtarded responds in kind by getting up, ready to fight. Being the elite ninja that I am, I decided to make things right and went over to him and said told him it was all good. We were just joking.

"YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH"

I'm going to end the story right there. Things get ugly after then, when we had to pull shftleft in to stop things. So much for not feeling like writing anything.

For my adoring fans...

Shftleft ate ALL the snickers

There are way too many things to cover today. Hopefully we will have enough classtime to do so...

OH AND THEY PICKED IT CLEAN. Heart, liver intestines and all. Bravo.

Storytime!

This is a story about a jester and a ninja

Some undead type mobsters..

A goth and THE DRIZZLE..

Thats everyone, minus the goth girl who likes to hide in the shadows. Where its safe. Unlike me, the ninja. Well clearly not a ninja anymore. WHO IS THAT ASIAN?!

Anyhoo, I was all like .. hey The Drizzle... and he was all like...

So I was like whatever. No more story. Obligatory halloween pictures done. I have more. But we'll save those for later. Thanks for the pics, miss goth girl who doesn't show her costume on any pics. Look what your friend said about you:

KnightPire: there are no pics of amanda that shows her costume anywhere!
Kudra44: yeah, dumb amanda

What is this thing?

[picture deleted. cuz i might get sued]

In the place where i work at, there are several anomalies of the human race that grace us with their presence. This person is one of them. I notice that there are boobs. But I still don't know if they're manboobs or under-developed young girl boobs. In fact, I do not know whether this is a girl or a boy. Perhaps a discussion group can be formed and shed some light on this mystery.

[picture delted. again.. for lawsuit skeerdness]

Behold its mysterious majesty as this seemingly male(?) individual perform feats of female like proportions. In fact VerticalDrop(VD) was so taken by this person's radient beauty that he took about 20 pictures of IT. And sent them to me. With captions like.. oh it's so hot. I want it. Whatever it is.

[yeah yeah.. picture's gone.. sorry]

This is our next specimen. VerticalDrop(VD) also took this picture. Clearly his taste in partners is becoming evident in the photos that he takes. The only thing I can say about this person is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Was there a shortage of oxygen in your brain when you left the house? Btw, you can email me for VD's cell number.

Ahem

There has been an onslaught of people that would qualify for Retard Day. It is hard to decide. I promise you that the next one will be special.

Oh and by the way... shftleft did eat all the snickers...

Oh hell yeah

It is 1:52am. I have been up for quite awhile doing quite a bit of things. I am dead fuckin tired. But this shit has gotta be up, right?

Oh hell yeah, indeed.

Halloween and what have you

I think it was made distinctly clear that I was a ninja for halloween. The funny ends there, except for me losing nunchucks and a sword somewhere in Philly. Hmm. Everyone was totally badass and I was totally drunk.

Notice the evident form of a belly. Yes its from drinking. But I have to drink to perfect my fighting style.

But, halloween is not what I feel like talking about tonight. There are pics, and those will come out at a more *ahem* opportune time.

The meat of the entry

With an emphasis on meat.

All asians EAT dog. *I* eat dog. I love dog. and pig. But mostly dog.

Just look at that amazing build. Send it into a pitfight, to get its meat all tenderized, and when its nice an weak, SLAUGHTER it. It can make a variety of dishes.

Dog stew. Or soup, or whatever. Made from dog meat and the sauce out of its own blood. Add onions, peppers, and salt. Not too much salt, the blood contains quite a bit. Gotta watch that sodium intake.

Honey roasted doggy. Kinda like KFC. Only Dog. Instead of Chicken.

Mmm. Always a favorite in a gathering of asians. Marinate meat in soysauce and monglosheen (what you thought that was only for hair? Silly white people..). Doggy on a stick. Yummy.

Buffalo doggy wings. Made of puppy.

Several wonderful dishes can be made of dog. Send me a pic of your pet. I'll educate you on how to filet it.

Next time..

How asians devour pig.