-=(Sagien)=-

uh

hi =)

nothing to see here.

just testing to see if it still works.

Clearly, it does.

Late Post Monday

I wholeheartedly apologize for this late post. I've been busy and tired lately, plus the fact that I'm not at home right now will probably mean a distinct lack of pictures.

Perhaps we shall use this time to reflect back to the era of ISSF past.

The Friend Write Off Game

Due to the fact that nobody likes each other anymore, the friend write off game has been neglected. So far the roster for the people that has been written off:

1) April
2) Cyanne
3) mincus
4) shftleft
5) wombat
6) my own brother
7) joe camel
8) his girlfriend

That leaves me. One might assume, because the aforementioned list of people still love each other and hang out with each other at cyanne's rwanda crib every day, that maybe.. just maybe, Sagien might've been the one written off. This assumption is far from the truth. The systematic compilation of the list didn't happen overnight.

Retard Day

This particular activity is still alive and well. However, each Retard Day requires a generous amout of study, hence the irregular appearance of a true Retard Day Award. The list of Retard Day Winners so far:

1) Sagien
2) VD
3) Random History Lesson Man
4) Pete Lips/The Petard/Rob

The list is short but prestigious. Current studies into the next candidate is already underway. I anticipate the unveiling of a new retard within the next few days. Does anyone notice a glaring absentee on that list? I can name several.

1) wombat

Eat It John Walley

TBA

Other things

Other things like the brahmus vs ninjamonkeygeek fight or the sex tshirt contest may or may not be revisited in the posts to come. In my experience, that kinda shit doesn't work.

A look forward

The future is bright for ISSF. Yes. It is. More pictures wednesday. Toodles.

Its Been That Kind of Night

"I'm hanging out with that girl Jess tomorrow, I think.."

-wombat

"yes?"

-sagien

"and I will stick her teh weiner"

-wombat

yes it has

So. Due to the coolio phone being a fuckin bitch, I am missing some choice pictures I needed for this post. Which upsets me greatly.

So, instead of relying on pictures, we shall fall back on my writing skills. Go ahead and close your browsers if you wish. I know a giant percentage of you prefer pictures of people, mostly of minorities or obese members of society for me to poke fun at, but oh well.

Anyway. I'll tell you how my day went, which is what normal bloggers do. I suppose.

So I woke up and drove the girl home before going to work. I showed up at work about a few minutes late, which meant I had to use my ninja skills so my boss wouldnt notice that I was late.

The whole day at work practically went by with me writing alot of 0's on paper, due to lack of technology at my workplace. Lots of weirdos went in, and I didn't take any pics.

The real fun starts when I got home from work. I went into splendor to get my stuff and go to my parents house, locked the door, walked out... and realized that my keys weren't in my pockets. K. Thats it.

Whatever. So I call my brother, and he picked me up. I ate dinner, which consisted of ribs and rice. And I sat there. Yes. from 7pm til midnight, waiting for wombat to come home so i can be let back into splendor. Good yah.

Ok. So that's my day. Boring etc.

I had cool things to post. Oh well, its friday, nobody gives a shit about friday post. Monday will be here soon. Meanwhile, you guys should bicker amongst each other about chronic couch masturbation or whatever. You seem to be good at it.

To make up for lack of pictures, I shall regale you with some I gleaned off the internet. So those people who closed their browsers when I told them to gets left out and they can feel like idiots.

Oh shit, this aint from the internet. Its NMG. He hath gained weight. He is waiting for a blowjob. Guess from who?

Come hither and blow the ninjamonkeycock. Sure, after you finish the beer.

This chick(?) put her picture up, and sits in that position. Make sure you show cleavage, so you dont trick anyone into thinking you're a guy, eh?

Can someone ask wombat what crawled up his fuckin ass?

That sucked.. im sorry..

Linus Lowery is GAY!

"NMG is being a pussy.. we need old nmg back!"

-Brahmus

By day...

I have come to be aware to the fact that everyone is ripping on each other too much. Without my clever remarks about slightly off center members of civilization, I have brought you, my beloved readership, to cutting each other's throats.

I have traversed several rounds throughout the neighborhood to bring this ISSF/Sagien internal war to an end. Today, I went to purchase some 4/$3 tuna. The venerable chicken of the sea.

Before I even entered the establishment, I came across someone who is probably on her bi-weekly excersize run through the butter section of the local grocery store. Her cart was filled to overflowing capacity with Land-o-Lakes(tm) butter. Everyone knows of the natural capabilities of butter, especially the unsalted kind. What possible motive would this person have to purchase THAT MUCH butter. One of my superhero deductive powers can only imagine. She's EVIL -- she's BRILLIANT! I'm watching Basic Instinct.

This just in!

Brahmus: man i have a roll of duct tape
Brahmus: nowhere to put it so i put in top drawer of my nightstand
sagien: ok..
Brahmus: next to feather tickler handcuffs condoms and shit
sagien: uh..

Stay away from this man.

I cannot begin to comprehend what he does to the dog and where he keeps its remains. Cannot begin to comprehend....

Back to your regular news

About two feet into the store, I was frozen in pure horror.

My whole body was petrified, and with an unsteady hand and a shaking thumb on the "OK" button of the coolio phone, I was able to capture the monstrosity with the coolio phone.

The contorted manifestation of what one can only describe as a black fat bitch roamed the ocean before my eyes. I can only praise whatever being is present up there and protecting me that its periferal vision is somewhat limited due to the immense black fat buildup around its eyes. What failed to fit into my realm of comprehension is that this creature seemed to be browsing the fruit section. My first hypothesis is that maybe it was an herbivore. Perhaps, I thought. My theory was proved incorrect, however, when it made its way to the butter section. It scoffed when it found that its favorite brand was sold out and went to the butcher instead. There it purchased a bucket of lard. Clearly, for its own consumption. It then proceeded to buy some lunch meat for its offspring.

I bring you back to the wonderful, soothing reality that is me. Photo courtesy of shftleft. The asian under azn eyes. The superhero-like wake that he leaves as he disperses the multi racial ocean of whales. What will it be next time? What manner of being will he expose and defeat? Stay tuned. Same azn time.. same azn channel.

Cheers!

FatBitchWhaleWeek(tm) has been brought to you by wombat.. if he ain't GOY, then he's retard of the week.

And by mincus

Look! Still no track marks!

Sekret identity: Unknown

"Im all about taking cheap shots at people"

--ninjamonkeygeek

By day, he is a mild mannered asian ...

By night, he roams the streets as a ... not so mild mannered ... AZN.
Weaknesses: None.

Let me open up this week with a disclaimer.

Yes. Now that thats out of the way.. look at these fags:

Dino and NMG would like to announce their engagement. The wedding date will be declareded at a future date. I would like to point out that neither one of them imbide alcohol. This is an ALCOHOL FREE GAY COUPLING. If anyone has a problem with gay couplings, and by couplings I mean cock in ass maneuver, please refer to the disclaimer.

Sorry, no Kozem--monkey picture today. I decided it got old, as alot of you might agree. I got something TEN TIMES BETTER.

I was browsing the meager DVD selections at a local video store. I was sitting cross legged on the floor, with my eyes squinted(yeah I know blahblahblah I didn't know I could squint them and still be able to see either), when I felt the mild sensations reminiscent of the Jurrasic Park earth shakes as the T-Rex made its way towards human flesh. I ignored it, engrossed in my mission to pick out the perfect movie for my viewing pleasure. Eventually, the rumbling of the earth abated, much to my relief. My salvation was short-lived, however, as I was disturbed by the violent manifestations of the beast's movements. I looked up, coolio phone at the ready, in an attempt to document my apparent demise. The monster was massive, the coolio phone unable to capture the whole nature of the beast with its mortal eyes. The legs, as shown, were the size of tree trunks, although pasty white in comparison. I can only deduce taht its hide was of a different color when it walked in, and has since turned to red from the bloody remains of the video store clerk. Clearly, it was hungry.

They walk amongst us!

As I wander the streets looking for the perfect snowcone, I came across this specimen. The coolio phone tried its best, but the radiance of the sun half-blinded its mortal capabilities and it was much too dangerous to find a better angle. Aided by my previous experience as a taxonomist of strange and maybe-paranormal beings, I deduced that this was a zombie, out to find human flesh. No it wasn't a random old lady walking the street as I stood around smoking a cigarette. Who's the taxonomist here, you or me? That's what I thought.

That is all. This is Sagien, live from Castle Splendor, signing off.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme

"Stir some shit up .. just not things that'd embarass me"

-shftleft

hmm

I'm hurt.. but understanding

So, judging by wednesday's comments, I just got accused of having acquired the case of the pussies. Arbitrarily growing a vagina, and at the same time, attacked for taking cold showers. Which the perpetrator of the attack thought was quite clever on his part.

You know what I say to that?

You're a cold shower

"I had sex with the leading lady in the play. She was hot"

He forgot to add "I lied."

First one to guess as to who I'm talking about gets a free tshirt.

VD sent me this pic the other day. I don't know why. But, if some of you can remember the greater than now old blog, VD sent me recurring images of this male specimen laying down. The pictures were always taken from a vantage point hovering above the subject photographed, suggesting a sort of male missionary position. Perhaps he just finished ramming his dick in and out of his ass, because the guy in the pictures looks asleep(or anally exhausted, you decide).

In my experience that my readership does not like alot of words. Which would lead me to believe that most of you are probably close to retarded. This brought me to the decision of the need to reinstate Retard Day. People eagerly awaited Retard Day. And it was usually monday. Well now that schedule has changed. It is officially on Idontgiveafuckday. So without further ado, it is officially Idontgiveafuckday and this is your first *NEW* Sagien blog Retard Day personality.

yemmee play my geetar. center.. center ze ball.. sorry... inside... joke....

GRIMRKEN

I acknowledge that whatever words I can formulate will not ever suffice to give justice to this retard of retards. So, I will let him explain it for himself. These are excerpts from his myspace account. [might need to sign up for myspace account to view]

I enjoy the half-second pause right before I lay into somebody and ruin them. . . .not that i'm a jerk or anything. . . it's just that sometimes people try to be edgy with you . . .and they come at you with their best "impression" of a ball-breaker. . . .so anyway about music. . . I am a fake guitar player. . . I hate the instrument and I wish it was a horn. . . like a saxophone. . . so I do my best to sound as little like a guitar as possible. . . . I like to listen to things that change the ambient perspective. . . . away from the usual i think. . .

Uh... what?!

Here we see our Retard Day personality with none other than the dude in the leopard skin boxers. You guys wanna wager on a guess as to who actually took that picture? Free tshirt.

miss the breeze through tree tops at night that is a precursory strike to a huge thunderstorm . . . that you can see flash somewhere away (FLASHFLASH 1 Mississippi. . . 2 Mississippi. . . . RUMBLERUMBLE) from you (mom says it's angels bowling, and even though I ain't religous, I know she has a couple of angels that ride her baffles (that spot that sonor doesn't pick up due to engine reverberation). . . she's walkin like 4 deep with an angel crew) . . . Mom is also 3000 miles away. . . . but my friends that I have made (all of which I have made laugh at least once) are like a family. . .

.....ooookay...

thats all i have. and i am pleased.