-=(Sagien)=-

Not Quite the End

Well this is it. The "end" of the Saga. As you may or may not notice, it doesn't go up to current events. That's because doing that would be stupid. I've been posting about current events for the few months.

Writing this certainly helped into putting things into perspective, and it's helped smooth over certain thoughts about certain individuals, and why shit should be "water under the bridge."

Not you, wombat. You're still a douchebag.

Part 4: A Place in Time

"Fucking rain. Of all the times for it to rain, it had to be when the desk is sitting on an open truck, the wood is probably getting warped," grumbled sagien as he drove down I-95 towards his new home back in New Jersey. It always comes back to New Jersey, almost as if there’s an implanted homing beacon, just beeping away when taken from its home base for too long...

---

"..Home base! This is Mothership!"

"--great man, okay take your next ex--"

"GUIDE US IN HOMEBASE!" sagien is practically yelling into a cell phone. This was a different drive, significantly less rainy. Mincus didn’t seem too happy about the interruptions, but shftleft insisted on them. Shft is driving a Ryder truck, packed in with all of his worldly possessions. Sagien was along for the ride.

---

"WORMS!"

"What the fuck, shft," complained Sagien.

"Woooorms!"

"It’s six in the fuckin morning," the Dreamcast was already firing up, ready to play a round of Worms.

"Are you The Gods again, sag?"

---

"Fucking rain..."

---

It was a cozy nook, bereft of any kind of privacy whatsoever, but its free and away from parents. It’s not like he's had any privacy in his living conditions for the past 2 years anyway. Sagien moved into his corner of what used to be Mincus' dining room.

Maryland was great; it was the first real feeling of being in control that sagien has had in a long time. It is different from the Phoenix/Florida venture, this outing was surrounded by friends, not too far from family, and someone special living close by. Things can work out here.

---

"Jesus Christ, I can't see out the back. I hope wombat is paying attention."

---

"So the Escort rolled about six times," bragged VD.

"How did you manage to let that happen?"

"Well, there was this cornfield..." VD continued to drone on about how he was offroading in his four door family sedan. Meanwhile, Sagien deliberated about how he cannot be friends with such an idiot. This guy certainly has brain cells; he probably just didn’t know how to use them yet.

"I can't believe my cell phone was still working after," sagien only caught the ass end of the story. He was nodding along though, as if he was paying attention.

---

The rain seems to have stopped a bit, but it doesn't keep him from worrying about his desk. They should've brought a tarp or something.

It's awfully nice of wombat to offer his place to stay. Just had to get out, he can't handle too many bad things happening. Castle Splendor will be nice, and there’s the Internet to help bring some girls over. Sagien has always been good at the Internet.

---

"I brought you some bacon!" exclaimed sagien, standing at April’s doorstep.

"Are you happy with me?" she asked.

"Uh-oh," thought sagien. He thought he took care of this over the phone the other day. The bacon was thawing faster than expected. "Do you still have that piece of cake from dinner the other night?"

"Yeah, it's in the fridge. Can you honestly tell me that you're happy?"

"Yeah, I'm happy. Do you have a fork?"

"It’s over." Sagien took a bite out of the chocolately chocolate cake. "I'm just not happy. I’ve been lying to myself and to you..."

"But I brought you bacon..."

---

His personal belongings have taken way too many trips across the country side, he decided as he unpacks the garbage bags full of clothing at Castle Splendor. They seemed to multiply too, like rabbits in heat. He files that away, deciding not to accumulate too much things, just in case he has to move again.

---

"Is this you?" asked Bob. Bob was the paper pushing motherfucker, riding the wake of the technology boom that seems to have hit Montgomery County, Maryland. Sagien took a gander at the sixty page printout that Bob slammed on his desk. Yep, that definitely was him.

"That’s my website."

"Take it down within twenty four hours, or be prepared to face the legal wrath of a four billion dollar a year corporation."

Fuck.

"So does this mean I'm not going back to my store?" asked sagien.

"No, you're done with Radio Shack."

Fuck.

---

"Is that everything?" asked wombat.

"Yeah, the desk is secure in the back of your truck, right?" Sagien loved that desk.

"Yeah, you sure you can drive the turbo van, all packed in like that? You can't see."

"I’ll be relying on your signals to drive. Keep an eye out for when I switch lanes and shit." Sagien took one last look at the house and the life he was leaving. Mincus certainly didn’t seem too happy about the move, for good reason. But sagien had his reasons too. This was for the best.

"Oh shit man, its starting to rain," wombat declared.

Previous Chapter

The Coolio Phone Mark II Sucks Ballsacks

It's a good thing it was "free".

Around Christmas time, I was able to upgrade the original coolio phone to the coolio phone Mark II. The original coolio phone was an LG VX6000 and it served me well for two years. As great as it was, it had its shortcomings. First and foremost, it did not work in the dark. It needed a flash. The coolio phone mark II had a flash. The coolio phone mark II is the upgraded version of the original. It is an LG VX6100.

The 6100 has a flash. However, it doesn't really matter if it does or not because it is not near bright enough to take pictures under un incandescent lamp. All it did was amplify the suck-ass resolution that it retained from the original coolio phone. It's a good thing it had a flash though, because it can take pictures like this...

...directly from my pants pocket. I mean, its good that theres some kinda balls of white light there. Otherwise, it'd be completely black. And thank the heavens for its expanded memory size (60 pictures instead of 20) and the oh so convenient picture taking button at the side -- I can now be the proud owner of 60 of those pictures that I get to view and delete before I take an actual picture. Yes, it fills up the memory on its own. Perhaps its sentient and thinks theres a secret alien message in my pants pocket that I should know about so it takes as many pictures of it as possible.

Voice command. Do you know how many times I get to see that screen? Every fuckin' time I say a command.

"Please say a command," it says all feminine like.

"Contacts."

"Please say a command."

"CONTACTS."

"Please say a command."

"COOOONTAAAACTSS!"

"Command not recognized."

Good. Great.

Oh! And the well renowned driving mode.. that one that it LOVES going into on its own, regardless whether I'm driving or not. Driving mode is supposed to be this mode where it turns on the speakerphone and starts to work off of voice commands. About 80% of the time, when I take the phone out of my pocket its in goddamned driving mode. And you know what I have to do to get out of it?

Yep.. "Please say a command."

"Driving..." You get the picture. Yes, the black ones, with the ball lightning that exists in my pocket.

I won't even get into the accessories. Oh wait, maybe I should. I purchased an extended life battery for the original coolio phone. That sucker lasted five days, phone calls, pictures and all. Is that compatible with the mark II? Hell no. God fuckin forbid two phones that share the same 5 characters in their model numbers would actually have interchangeable batteries, car adapters, home chargers... thats right, NOTHING I ever bought for the 6000 works for the 6100. Oh the advanced technology a whole 100 points in model numbering can bring.

How does the mark II fare in battery life? Well, I can use it for five 20 minute phone calls... then it needs a charge. In a day and a half, it needs to visit its home charger(which is a wire attached to a power adapter, as opposed to the convenient charging cradle the "inferior" 6000 had) or I'm shit out of luck.

Oh yes, more pocket tricks. It turns it's speaker phone on ON ITS OWN. Imagine my surprise when my eardrums get blown out because I didn't know it deemed it necessary to have speakerphone on instead of leaving it so one can use it like a normal person would use it.

All in all, the new phone is pretty. Thats about all I can say about it. It does not deserve the name of coolio phone. Shit, it hasn't even saved a single life...

It's kinda like Empire.. from Star Wars

I seem to be apologizing for being late quite a bit. Again, I am sorry. Life because a tad more busy than usual last week and the intended updates weren't made at the proper times.

I know I also told some of you that the saga has been completely written. Well, I lied. I'm writing it as I go, which would be another reason for the delays.

I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far. I certainly am enjoying writing it. All of it is true, except for one instance, where I flat out lied. This instance would be what we would call an 'inside joke.' I know I do that alot too, but that's why I'm writing these, and subsequent stories that will fill out the gaps that I am intentionally leaving out. Eventually, for someone who's read it all, there will be no inside jokes.

So here you go. Part 3 of the Saga of Sagien. [insert applause here]

Part 3: To Hell and Back Again

The first female flesh wasn't very eventful, and took two years to complete. She had weirdly placed teeth, the front two separated by a gap that rivals the Grand Canyon. Many jokes were made about this era in sagien's life.

"Bitch tits!" said shftleft.

"Fried egg tits!" said Boner.

"She looked fine 'til she opened her mouth," said another.

"Its cool, she can suck your dick with her teeth clenched cuz your Asian rice dick is small enough to fit in her gap," credit this one to shft or wombat. It is not sure who pioneered this most clever of jokes.

Needless to say, that relationship, started out of the best intentions, ended well. Sagien had many a hearty drink, and got drunk for the first time in his life. He also lost a tooth that evening, when he tried to tackle dirt because he asked, "How’s Penny Ugly Pappas?"

Several important people appeared in his life for the first time during this time period. Sagien remembers each one, like a comic book collector would remember first appearances of his favorite characters, down to the date and the exact circumstance of each meeting.

Enter, in no particular order of appearance, Joe Camel, Kudra, wombat, dirt, John Walley and several other people, mostly those of the opposite sex. People often referred to as "gynos." This eventually became the "circle of friends." A circle so tightly knit that they shall remain friends for the rest of eternity... or at least know of each other. The tale of these individuals cannot be included in the scope of this essay.

After about a year of freedom from Penny, sagien sought further adventures in the land of the Internet. He met another member of the opposite sex, and "fell in love." This prompted the great exodus, to the land of the Phoenix, Arizona, leaving everyone he knew and loved behind.

In Phoenix, he consummated his love for her, and did something shftleft has never done before. Anal Sex. This was a love that was to last forever, to be documented in several manuscripts, and told down from generation to generation. The love went from Phoenix in the first four months of its blossoming to Tampa, Florida, where it lasted for another four months, and came back to Phoenix for another four months, effectively creating a bond that would almost span the continent of the North Americas. Eventually it went back to New Jersey, where sagien and his new queen were accepted by all.

Accepted she was the most by John Walley. They became fast friends, John being her most willing guide to South Jersey. Sagien mainly used her for sex, unless she had a headache, in which case sex was avoided at all costs. Or if sagien was playing MUD, in which case, she didn’t exist. In fact, sex was non-existent during this period in New Jersey, mostly because she smelled like a used douche bag. The smell was probably caused by John Walley, who initiated the preemptive strike and took Kristin Elizabeth Kirk away from sagien. He took her back to the land of the Phoenix, Arizona, under false pretenses and effectively started a war.

It was a war of feelings, and emotions, and alcohol. The war eventually turned into something nobody cared about, including sagien. Sagien has found something new.

Drugs and dirt. Sagien made dirt his new best friend. They watched each other's backs, especially during times when one of them was financially unstable and couldn’t purchase marijuana. During these times, it was a fortunate thing that dirt had connections. This kick-started a period that nobody can remember. Between the scrolling text of the MUD he was so engrossed in and puffs of smoke from whatever receptacle was offering them, sagien was oblivious. It was the Dark Age of Sagien.

Until one fateful afternoon, when sagien awoke from his drug induced stupor. The painkillers were wearing thin, and the THC was at its weakest point of influence, sagien decided he needed something better than the couch he was laying on. He was to take certifications of the computer kind, and be smart. Dirt never approved. He told him he would fail. Dirt and sagien broke up.

Dirt was right. Although sagien finished three quarters of the certification course, it wasn’t enough to pass. Sagien did fail, but the drugs were gone, and so was dirt. And that was a good thing, because dirt only listened to Korn.

Sagien returned to what was left of the circle of friends. At this point, the circle was just beginning to grow up and finishing college careers. People started to move away, some to the great land of Maryland, and yet others to California. The one who moved to California decided to rewrite their will, adding new pall bearers to carry their grave. Sagien was not included.

Sagien didn't know where to go and what to do. The ones in Maryland beckoned to him, enticing him with vast riches and a big screen TV. What eventually won it was another girl. This one was different, yet the same. Different in the fact that she had certain standards that she tried to uphold in life (good personal hygiene and going to college). The same in the fact that she came from the world of the online. She did, however, live in the vicinity of Maryland. So sagien went, chasing after yet another girl.

Maryland was different. Things went well. Sagien held a slightly decent job, and started going to a real school for an education. His love life was healthy and financial matters were tight, but manageable. It looks like the light at the end of the tunnel is growing stronger.

..or is it...

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Light Sunday Reading

Greetings.

Before I put up the next chapter in the saga, I figured something is needed to breach the gap between Part 2 and 3. So here it is.

But be forewarned.. its a tad bit wordy.

Subchapter 2.1: I can whistle the 2400bps handshake.

"Just hook it up into the serial port and the phone line," explained Boner, "my dad's going to want it back though."

"Awesome, " said Sagien, "I'll see you on APE tonight." APE is a local Bulletin Board Service(BBS) that Sagien's computer friends started calling. There were others, but APE was the most fun. He wouldn't actually "see" Boner on APE, considering that APE only had one telephone line and it only allowed one caller to log in at a time.

"ooooooo Hulk Hoooooogan….. your Hulkamaniacs are no match for my Uuundertakerrrrrr..." Pall Bearer was making threats on the television as the 2400bps Hayes modem screeched its handshake with the remote modem. A few minutes later, Sagien was staring at a screen that asked for his handle.

OOoooooo Yeeeesssss! Reeest in Peeace, Hooogannnnnn

He spends a few minutes pondering what name he should use. Nothing clever comes to mind.

Yoooouu will bow down before the Undertaaaaaker and the darknessssss

Ah, yes. He types in the first pseudo-identity he'll ever take on the online world. Undertaker. How clever, he thought

Dong.. Dong.. dong...

The exit music of the Undertaker sounds as they make way for the next overly dramatic personality to make his threats and promises that he cannot make come true until Wrestlemania whateverthefuck.

Several months after that fateful day, Sagien was well on his way to being a recognizable online personality in the 609 area code. Well, at least in the Legend of the Red Dragon door game. He already had Able's Armor.

Able's Armor highly impressed another online personality. Her name was Harper. She was a girl. A meeting was arranged a few weeks later to take place at the local mall. Sagien, shftleft, and boner took a strategic vantage point that overlooked the actual meeting spot, just in case.

Well, just in case did happen. Shft offered to escort sagien out the backdoor of the arcade, and forget this ugly bitch. Boner threatened to carry him out the door. Being the fine human being that he was, sagien declined their generous offer and boldly went where no man has gone before.

Two years later, there still wasn't a single man that has gone there. Thank the heavens. No one, until a nice spring day came around. The sun was out, and the birds were chirping their songs of life. Squirrels were chasing each other playfully in the front lawn, and Harper's front door was slamming shut after Sagien, as he walked out of her gap-toothed life forever. A gentleman by the name of Robert Santo went where no man has gone before two days later.

His prowess with academic pursuits didn't amount to much during this time period, as he was forced to go to summer school for failing English classes repeatedly(junior and senior years of high school). During the junior year summer season, he was caught with dirt, a few expensive Motorola walkie-talkies acquired from the high school's janitorial staff, and a handful of credit card numbers written down neatly in a notebook. It was dirt's fault.

Dirt had used a pair of wire-cutters purchased from a Radio Shack to snip some mouse cords as they draped harmlessly over the side of desks in the hallway. The lives of over a dozen American mice were ended that day.

The overall damage to the school was negligible, but sagien and his contemporaries were not allowed to touch another computer in the high school ever again. Except for writing lab because they needed to.

This ushered in the age of Senior Year High School and America Online chat rooms. Senior year was mostly slept away, except for when he had to be at work at Radio Shack. After over a year of part time sales employment, he was able to save up enough money to meet another girl online, travel five days by Greyhound bus across the country to Phoenix where he can boldly go where he thought no man has ever gone before. And boldly go there he did.

Oooooo Yes! You are mine Hogan! Miiiiine!!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

The Season of Lent

A day late, but appropriate...

The Christian Season of Lent

Ah, yes. The much awaited Lent Season is here! And due to my affiliation, I have decided to go above and beyond the required give up one(1) thing for Lent. I shall give up three(3) things that I hold dear to me for this holiest of seasons.

Thing One

I shall give up smoking. I smoke about half a pack of cigarettes per day. I use it as a coping mechanism to handle two places of employment. To further my health and to be closer to God, I have decided to quit smoking.

Thing Two

Ignore the part about alcohol. I will not be giving that up. I will, however, cease to consume cows. Cows are a benign breed, not to be eaten. That means I give up steak, burgers, roast beef sammiches, hotdogs, and anything that contain cows. Pigs I will eat, because they are tasty. Not cows, however. I have deemed them *un*tasty.

Thing Three

I will be giving up Lent.

Steps I Have Taken to Celebrate These Holy Days

I missed Ash Wednesday, as made blatantly obvious by this two day late entry. I could've made this entry on Wednesday, when Ash Wednesday was in full swing, but that would mean NOT missing it, in clear violation of Thing Three.

But, Sagien, what about the other two things? Would'nt observing those other two sacrifices be a complete violation of Thing Three?

Right you are, young grasshopper. I have taken steps in order to appease the paradox that I have created for myself.

Observe this blurry picture. What is it, you ask? It is the remainder of my dinner for tonight. Now bow your heads in prayer as I pay my respects to Lent and the soon-to-be-dead-and-risen Jesus Christ.

Amen.

And to wash away the sins of the world, I lit a Camel Turkish Gold. Double Amen.

Now I shall speak in tongues....

Ung-dah do-hah

I Owe You a Quarter

I wholeheatedly apologize at the tardiness of this post. I know I promised some people that this will be up before now, but I passed out in a puddle of my own drool last night. I'd like to claim that it was because I was drunk out of my mind, but, closer to the truth, it was because I was exhausted.

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words on this piece, now being coined "The Saga of Sagien." It does mean a lot to me to be able to tell this story.

So, here you go...

Part 2: I wanna go home

The 20 hour travel time from the islands wasn’t dull at all. The trip through customs was uneventful since they were unable to locate the source of the funny fish smell coming from one of the 12 boxes Sagien’s family had with them. Perhaps the random brooms, kitchen utensils, towels, flip flops, and various other items threw the agents off.

His brother pondered the intricacies of the American fire alarm system at the Detroit International Airport. After a few seconds of tweaking with the lever that said “Pull”, a siren was activated and several excited men riding on one of those airport cars showed up. They were VERY excited. So was Sagien’s dad.

Three days after their arrived, his father decided to shove them into school. He probably figured they can handle the culture shock since they’re all grown up.

Sagien didn’t want to go through seventh grade again. He didn’t want to have to speak English all the time. It was awful, why did he decide to come along? He could’ve stayed at home, with his grandmother. It was spider season, damn it. Everyone is so weird and pale. Except for the black ones and the American movies always portrayed them as the bad guy, so don’t talk to them.

He wandered through the school’s hallway, sticking out like an Asian in a sea full of white people. Seventh graders here already know how to kiss each other in the mouth -- Sagien was still fascinated by TNMT. Everyone’s wearing Nike’s as well. How rich these Americans are. Ah, culture.

Girls practically remained an enigma throughout his middle school career. Parental units wouldn’t know what to do if he brought girls home anyway. He spent much of his seventh grade life impressing the dumb shit white kids with his superior math. Superior only because he has taken this kind of math before: when he was in 7th grade in the Philippines, 4 months ago.

Eight grade wasn’t much different, either. Except for the shftleft entering stage right, much of that year was a bore. Shft was a total asshole. Sagien doesn’t know why he hung out with him. He constantly mentioned how his white penis was bigger than Sagien’s Asian penis. Little does he know…

Computer. Beginner’s All Purpose Symbolic Instruction Code. That’s where it all began. High school started. A modem was introduced, fried, and re-introduced, all in its glorious 2400bps speed. The modem opened the world of the online Bulletin Board System. After scanning the message boards on the BBS’s, at the height of Sagien’s sophomore year, he came across female flesh.

Only he didn’t get to enter it.

Previous Chapter |Next Chapter

Super Bowl Sunday

Although the game itself was something to look forward to, that wasn't the highlight of my day. Gaze and be jealous.. or tell me "so what?". See if I care.

The Robster

Ingredients

One(1) robster. Make sure you pick out a nice fat one. I personally consider these things cockroaches, but some people love having them for consumption.

Examine it carefully. Note its physical appearance and its demeanor. Measure its relative size. Then name it something so you can get attached to it. We called ours Agamemnon. Aggy for short.

We had to find a suitable place for Agamemnon for his "therapeutic bath." It took several venues but we finally found a place where he can relax and sort out the kinks in his exoskeleton.

After several attempts at different sized "bathtubs" and multiple threats of breaking his claws off to fit, Aggy finally settled into a nice warm bath.

This is Aggy trying to tell us that the water was getting a bit too hot. He was getting all red. Eventually he settled down, all relaxed and cooked. Ready to be eaten.

The meat

Ingredients

One(1) thick slice of steak meat. This one doesn't require a name. You only name things that has eyes. That is why people who own cacti and name them are dumb. Cacti DO NOT have eyes.

It does, however, also requires a bath. This bath takes much longer than Agamemnon's bath. I'd say about 30 to 60 minutes. Use one of the many prepared marinades you can purchase at any grocery store. Or use my sekret one, if you know it.

Now, go outside and put together your grill. If you already have one, go ahead and perform sexual oriented acts with your significant other/mistress/robster. If you don't have one of those, go watch TV or something.

Raise your arms in truimph in homage of the cavemen who first discovered fire once your grill is complete. This is a required act in making steak.

Once the charcoal(yes charcoal, it is the only way to grill. What about gas? I can only think of one use for gas...) gets hard enough, place items on grill like so.

It will sizzle and what have you. The steak only needs to cook over the fire for about one minute per side. Any longer and only girls can eat it. Real men do not eat steak cooked past medium rare. That is a law of the universe.

We made fries too, but the pictures are boring. And everyone knows how to make fries.

So, aside from the Eagles losing, it was a very good SuperBowl.

How I met Myself

Good morning.

It is friday, and it's time to really think about what you are doing tonight. As you ponder that, I decided to provide you with some self-indulgence. Well, its mostly MY self-indulgence, but I know you'll humor me.

About Myself

I have been thinking about this for a little while, and realized, although I have been writing this blog for over a year[including the stuff that got taken down because of lawsuit issues], I have never really properly introduced myself.

As I was speaking to nmg, an idea came to mind that, hey, maybe I should tell the stories of how I met the people who post comments on here on a regular basis. That'd be cool. Add some depth to the characters that we've made out of ourselves, right?

Well, I didn't know where to begin. Then it hit me. All these other cool blogs have about pages, so I should make one.

Do I use pretty pictures? Nay. There are enough pictures of myself splattered throughout this site, most of them taken in unflattering, compromising situations.

Do I use a 20 questions style analysis of my personality? No. Everyone does that, and really, I am better than Everyone.

So, how does someone like me describe himself in the most egotistical, all encompassing way possible?

Well, I tried pitching the 4 part mini-series to the History Channel. Talks are underway, but it may be years off before this becomes a reality.

So, I'll just write up the general gist of it in 4 parts. That means it won't be finished by today, but it does give me 3 more posts I have to write after this one. Its a win-win.

Let's get started then

Part One: The Philippine Years

Sagien was born in a public hospital. Public hospitals are pretty much the equivalence of public schools. Except in the Philippines, public schools consist of dirt on the ground, a haphazardly placed backboard and basketball hoop/net about 10-13 feet up on a telephone pole, and a "room" much more suited for raising livestock for a classroom.

Public hospitals exist on the same plane back there. The only difference is that there are several rooms that are much more suited for raising livestock that serve as hospital rooms. The only redeeming factor to these rooms is that they do have beds. Sometimes with mattresses.

Having parents of the Catholic faith(more on this later), he was circumsized, much to the delight of his future lovers.

Soon after his birth, he was transfered to the lovely home of his parents in the suburbs of Bacolod City. It was a two bedroom house, with pebbles for a driveway and crab grass for a lawn. The car was a VW bug. Brown, with yellow stripes[not racing stripes since these stripes go along the side of the car].

His parents sent him to a private school, which consisted mostly of brick and mortar buildings built along the sides of paved quadrangles with cement posts and backboards to support their basketball nets. There were even lines on the ground to mark the out of bounds area and the foul line. The three-point arch might've even existed. All in all, it was a step up from anything public.

At around eight years of age, he was transfered over to an apartment in the city. It had more room than the house, and it was cheaper. Rent was about $4 a month. This is where most of the growing up occured. He made city friends, mostly consisting of squatters who lived at the nearby city dump. He was also eventually transfered to one of La Salle's schools that they undoubtedly built to make themselves feel wonderfully Christian about putting a school together in a third world nation.

This childhood was mostly a blur, spent mostly collecting bottle caps for ammo for his bottle-cap gun, catching spiders at his grandfather's farm for highly lucrative fixed spider-fights, or collecting scrap metal to sell at the junk yard for extra cash to purchase gum or play video games at the local setup with 30 famicoms available at 1 peso for 5 minutes for play. It is a 'setup' because it doesn't even deserve the name 'arcade.' This place existed inside someone's living room, a complete stranger.

His mother left for Saudi Arabia and later the U.S.A. for more money. This was the reason why private school for him and his two brothers was made available. Added fringe benefits to his mother's absence were the abundance of Ninja Turtle and Ghostbusters action figures, an NES(not available in SouthEast Asia), and a plethora of different things from the States that made his squatter friends absolutely jealous.

Eventually, right around when he turned 14, his entire family relocated to the United States, leaving 14 years of childhood behind, including close relatives and, most importantly, friends that he decided never to speak to ever again mostly because he was skipping out on the 7th grade tuition from the private school and contact with friends would enable them to trace him. And so begins the great journey about learning about debt and credit, but we'll cover most of that in Part 3.

Next Chapter

When I Wake Up

Oh you know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.

I don't understand why every car I come in contact with ceases to work or develops major issues. It may have something to do with me buying piece of shit cars due to lack of funds. Perhaps I don't pray enough, as recently pointed out by both my father and my father's boss' boss. The latter had to jump start the recent piece of junk I have come to own.

When he came to jump me, it was snowing. It wasn't snowing horribly, just enough snow that one can appreciate the beauty of. Yes, snow is beautiful if it was actually just holographic stuff that falls from the sky and you don't actually have to physically experience.

I recently went out and purchased a car book. Perhaps I'm ready to be a car guy, get some car friends, and some car toys. Live up to my heritage of being asian. Asians like glowy blue things.

The book helped some, but not really. I still had to pay some dude to put an alternator in.

As of date the car, which is yet unnamed, is sitting in the driveway, refusing to be fixed. The car starts, yet the battery light still comes on. And that scares me. It scares me like going into a Wawa and realizing that everyone in there has scraggly hair, is white, and wearing denim jackets with eagles printed on them in historic looking poses as they fly over snow-capped mountain tops scares me.

One of life's redeeming points, however, is waking up in the morning, looking out the window, and witnessing some guy getting pulled over by a cop. That's when you grab the camera and start taking pictures. Life is bliss.