October 17, 2003
The Race is On for Gaytard of the Year
People often want to know how we at Gaytard Magazine (Quarterly) determine who will win the coveted GOY award. Well, let me tell you: it's an arduous process, examining each contestant's performance throughout the previous year: which things they did to make them gaytarded, have they had sex?, do they even talk to girls?, and above all, which one simply seems like the biggest gaytard. We feel it out. We breach beyond the surface of each gaytard and examine their very core. What motivates them? What hurts them? Why are they gaytarded at all? It's a contest about feelings.
But, first, we start with graphs...
I have taken the liberty of ranking the contestants from 5 (least likely to win) to 1 (most likely to win).
5) ClarusTNB
4) Animplodingvoice
3) Wombat
2) Mincus
1) Rob
IMPORTANT NOTE:
I think that mincus should not have such a high ranking. However, he has been campaigning for himself as GOY since the contest began. This conversation with mincus took place moments after I told him that I foresaw him being dethroned as GOY:
mincus c03: but its for gaytard of the year!
mincus c03: for almost the whole year
mincus c03: that was me!
FinalDraftX: its for next year
mincus c03: no one even came close!
FinalDraftX: its for the 2004 gaytard
mincus c03: you cant pre-emptively name someone gaytard of the year
mincus c03: that doesnt make sense at all
FinalDraftX: no, he gets next year, based on 2003's performance
mincus c03: right, and im saying
mincus c03: that based on 2003
mincus c03: im gaytard of the year
FinalDraftX: ill make some graphs
It is for this reason, that he is currently ranked #2. Despite him having a girlfriend, and regular sex, his inability to let go has shot him back to the top. Good job, buddy. But, the race isn’t over.
Wow, its a very heated close race this year. I can only sit back and watch with awe at this year's candidates, knowing that I will never reach their levels of gaytard performance...
Posted by: sagien at October 17, 2003 10:15 AMi second sagien in the gaytard of the year race ... i mean com'on he's asin
Posted by: blacjax at October 18, 2003 07:03 PMHoly crap! Sagien is now in the race! Thanks, blacjax, for participating. I owe you a coke.
Posted by: wombat at October 18, 2003 07:31 PMI suppose one couldn't pull out of this race before he gets graphed and scrutinized. Despite the fact that my fans adore me, I can guarantee you that I can never hope to steal such an honor from the likes of mincus or rob. I'm flattered though. Thank you.
Posted by: sagien at October 18, 2003 08:52 PMwhen can we expect to see Sagien's graph, and thank you blacjax for seconding my nomination.
Posted by: Brahmus at October 19, 2003 04:55 AMi will post sagiens graph tomorrow.
thank you for your interest in GOY.
~wombat
hey this isn't for goy, but for the name the band thing. Anyway I think an incredible name would be:
UUUUuuhGH-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH Doo-Haaaaaaaa
Its clever and witty, and it would help you crossover into the azn market! Surely this is genius?
Posted by: Brahmus at October 19, 2003 02:19 PMWombat is white.
Posted by: sagien at October 19, 2003 03:08 PMBut music transcends racial barriers?
Posted by: Brahmus at October 19, 2003 08:50 PMJon King is a Cockpouch.
Posted by: Drunken Gaytard at December 23, 2003 12:26 PM