In a never ending quest by Earth's Caucasian citizens to jilt the black man, another dumb white pope was elected today -- Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany.
"Dear brothers and sisters," said the new Pope to his fans, "after the great Pope John Paul II, the cardinals have elected me - a simple, humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord."
While the other white candidates clapped with suppressed disdain, Francis Arinze of Nigeria had this to say, walking back and forth, angrily pointing at the ground with each statement:
"This is complete bullshit, man. Complete bullshit. I worked my fuckin' ass off and this is what I got to show for it? Man... fuck that." He looked off and shook his head, then, finished with a very hushed "Fuckin' bullshit, man."
In the wake of Francis Arinze's outbursts, the new pope made it his first duty to "put that coon in his place," and had him shackled and lashed for speaking out against his beloved deity. When challenged by a member of the press that such actions (not to mention vernacular) isn't God's way, New Pope Joseph Ratzinger pointed his finger at the reporter and recited an ancient incantation (which was in Latin, and apparently tattooed on his left forearm), at which point a column of flames fell straight from the sky (though, some sources claim"heaven") and incinerated the poor man.
The crowd gasped for a moment, then silence fell. After five minutes, the Pope raised his arms as if to say "Eat. Please. Eat." And everyone, again, began cheering for their new Proxy.
~Associated Press.
Posted by wombat at April 19, 2005 03:12 PMI know the AP is a reputable source... but something just seems off about this wire.
Posted by: mincus at April 19, 2005 07:05 PM