wombat

Wombat: teh wordsmith

In an attempt to have sex with Dino's gf, I become charming and wonderful for our game of Scattegories.

The letter was "A." "Authors" was the category on the #9 line. A... A... Thinking... Thinking... Thinking...

Ansel Adams! Not an actual author, but, a photographer, and he has put out some books. I let the players know this fact as soon as the eyes of objection were cocked in my direction.

Ansel Adams, she must have been thinking. Wombat is so cultured. Maybe I should have sex with him.

I was hoping for a "G," so I could have pulled out the ol' "Gary Gygax," but, the nature of his books would have sealed my sexless future for sure -- Hot girls hate D&D... Especially old school AD&D, first edition. Before Thac0. You know, when they used to put out modules (or, adventures) that entailed going into a dungeon (as per the title of the game) and you had to retrive some sort of relic or magic item to the tune of Bracers of Defence AC 5, or, a Short Sword of Back... stab... uh. Hm.

SPORTS!

Anyway...

Victory was sealed that round. The next round, Sagien rolled a "G."

Fuck! Gary Gygax!!! Didn't matter. I got my two points with Ansel Adams.

I think Sagien took that list down. He was able to reference medieval medicines and whatnot, and tools of brown-skinned witch doctors. And what could we say? Who's gonna argue? I've never been to the 3rd world, and Sagien has. He swept.

Because he's Asian. And from the 3rd world.

But, my victory came with the category "Bad Habits." I put "gawking." Oh, yes. I'm so sensitive.

When I read my word, Dino's gf looked at me and I swear there was a slightly imperceptible wink. Yes, she said. That's a good answer.

Clearly, I had nailed her plight as a hot chick.

Moving on...

"C" is rolled. "Terms of Endearment" was the category.

Dino: I put "cunt."

Very nice, Dino, I thought, but it will pale in comparisson to my answer.

I looked at his gf: I put "cuddlebunny."

Awww...

Oh, yeah. That's right. Sooo endearing. Wombat is on his way to Sex-with-dino's-gf Heaven.

Another roll was "F," and this round will be in debate for years to come, I'm sure. Mainly for my inability to let go of poor judgement calls by fellow players, and the fact that I was completely right with my answer.

The category was "States." That's all it said. States.

My answer was "Frightened." Now, I know they could have been refering to land, but, it was unspecified. And I figured everyone would put Florida.

So, read it again. "States."

Wombat: What?! It's a state! You can be in a frightened state!
Dino: Sorry. No.
Sagien: No way! That's not what it means!

But, what's this??? Who has come to my rescue...?

Dino's gf: I like that answer! He's using his head. I'd give it to him.

Read that last part again. "I'd give it to him."

She'd... give it to me.

However, she was not persuasive, and my only consolation was the fluttery eyes of Dino's gf... who, by the way, was thinking of having sex with me.

I the end, I was the ultimate victor, winning 2 of the four 3-round games.

Dino, clearly knowing what was about to happen, took a drastic offensive:

As I came out of the bathroom, having just washed my hands in penis for the sex that I was sure to take place, Dino knelt before me.

"I'll suck your dick, I swear."
"What?"

His girlfriend looked at me from across the room. Don't do it, her eyes said. It's a trick.

Since he's taller than me, his face was at my stomach.

"You'll have to get lower," I said.

And he lowered himself. His girlfriends hands covered her mouth in horror. What are you doing, wombat? she thought. Don't let him do that!!

But, temptation was too much. My hand went down my pants. Finally, Dino will give me head. Finally, a man of financial status and overwhelming charm was about to pleasure me in the ways of oral magic.

But, I hesitated. And he stood up.

"Pussy," he said.

His gf went to him. I had lost. I had the chance to have sex with Dino's gf AND receive head from Dino, and I had blown it.

But, at least I won Scattegories, and didn't get Ebola.

At the door, Sagien said "Would you have really let him blow you?"

Tsch. Duh.

But, God, was everyone gonna watch?

Posted by wombat at September 26, 2005 02:38 PM