wombat

Eating The Proverbial Cat

It was suggest that I post this here. The event herein took place a few months ago.

It's an odd thing to have an "ex girlfriend."

Not an ex-girlfriend, but an "ex-girlfriend." Notice the quotes. One of those relationships which progress without commitment, which end silently with one person believing that both parties are content to stand by and watch it all fade.

Well, of this phenomenon, this great harrowing pain, I have found closure.

It happened at a local show. A band. A small bar where our story takes place...

I noticed her, with her ex-fiance (they became engaged between our affairs -- to call them anything more would be to over-justify the pain, when, in all actuality, they were affairs -- short lived spurts of pipe-dreams and what I eventually came to know as blinding lies.)

But, I didn't let it bother me. On the contrary, I watched the band, and mused with my other bandmates (who were present during said night) about playing live when we are ready (which will be soon.)

As the set came to a close, and she approached me, tapping my shoulder, all smiles, my plan of being completely rude faltered as I explained the Battle of the Bands semi-finals.

Then came the small talk. But, no one wants to have small talk with someone you once loved, who said pretty things like "I can see us getting married one day"... You want to just cut to the chase...

"Where ya livin?" I asked.
"The Bronx now."

She began to talk of her career. But, that was not what I wanted to know, for, the last time we spoke, she was in Queens, and lonely, and somewhat depressed.

So, I cut off her chatter with:

"Are you still living alone?"
"No, I'm living with [my ex-fiance]"

I looked at her and laughed.

"Well, I knew that would happen," I said.

(Note, she swore this would never happen, and left me to go back to NY. Though, I don't blame her, the lie is still present, and our love fell through the cracks of her bullshit and selfishness)

There was an awkward silence. Very awkard. As she tried to hold that phony happy-go-lucky smile as long as she could. But, I refused to fill the silence.

Instead, I ashed my cigarette and just watched her.

"Well..." she said. "I just wanted to say hello."

I gave her a sheepish smirk and with a wiggle of my fingers gave her a goodbye. A "toodles," if you will. And she walked away, confused, wondering what she did, I suppose.

And that was it.

Closure.

Goodbye forever.

I hope you're happy.

'Cause, I know I am.

Fuck you. And your bullshit lies. And all the pretty words you used to keep me interested.

[Insert middle-finger here.]

Goodbye, bitterness. You needn't linger anymore.

I turned to my bass player...

"We gotta play here," I said.

And so ends another epoch of my life.

~Jeff

Closure assured. Redemption

Posted by wombat at May 12, 2006 08:24 AM