wombat

Blood Sausage

Okay. Blood Diamond. It starts off well with a lot of action and some graphic but realistic violence. Then, a mere five minutes later, a very strange pacing takes over -- akin to, say, an old woman walking a flight of steps, and every so often standing there screaming. Every scene Dicaprio has with Jennifer Connely is completely ridiculous, rife with over-the-top cliches and quips. Their conversations are predictable with each poorly crafted line (forced exposition) sounding recited rather than natural. Example:

Leo: Blah blah blah, the world is full of bad things anyway, who cares, ey? Blah blah blah...
Connely: Oh, a cynic, huh?*

Scenes like this are intercut with scenes of the Rebels being loud and trigger happy. Anyway, Connely wants a story from Dicaprio (she's a journalist) and he apparently needs her help (?) to help find Djimon Hounsou's family, so Dicaprio, in turn, can find a big red diamond. Or something. Note: Hounsou is the only redeemable thing about this movie. Mainly because he is the only believable character/actor. The others seem to fumble through the dialog, (made worse for poor Dicaprio who struggles with his accent throughout the entire film), and have a very loose connection to the story. Which is odd, considering the film is somewhat about their relationship. I think. Hounsou's character has the most empathetic problem (having lost his family), yet his story takes a back seat to the banalities involving the selfish plight of Dicaprio and the lackluster wanting by Connely to tell the "real" story of what's going on with the African diamond trade. I mean, who cares? Oh, boo hoo, you can't write the story you want because the truth is masked. While this review may not make much sense, I assure you, neither did the film.

Now, considering the arrangement between Connely and Dicaprio, you'd think the obvious plot device would be for Dicaprio to gradually give her information for the story she wants to write, if for nothing else, to keep the audience interested, and which would, by default, keep her interested in Dicaprio. But, no. It all comes out in one scene. The middle of the second act seems to bog down as every other scene is spent with Dicaprio and Connely having "conversations." The obligatory "my parents were killed in front of me" converstation happens as they drink some sort of animal milk. While their dialog is fiery (sorta), it feels manufactured, and what seems to be an attempt at an "opposites attract" type paradigm falls short of believable. Again, this is a problem with the script.

Also, it's as if the director hasn't seen a black person depicted on film since Grandmaster Flash's video for "The Message." A typical rebel is often seen with an AK-47 in one hand and a giant boombox in the other, proped up on the shouder and blasting some rather bland hip-hop. I suppose the director believes that black people, no matter where in the world, only listen to rap. Who knows. Also, many times a reference is made to the "diamond mines." Now, maybe my definition of "mine" differs from yours, but, these enslaved African's were never seen in a mine. Rather, they panned rivers for diamonds. Actually it was one river. A puddle almost -- a murky spitoon.

How Dicaprio got an Oscar nod for this is unfathomable. I mean, I suppose he did his best, but, his acting was too present. You could see him acting. Same for Connely. Only she was much worse -- having only to speak with her normal accent, and having already won an Oscar, you'd think she'd be able to pull of a credible depiction of an "American journalist." But, no. She was awful. Maybe it was the script, maybe it was the direction -- who knows? Point is, the final product was a toilet.

About halfway through the movie we got rather bored. That's when sagien broke out the Lego's. Amanda built some sort of "turtle." Which too me just looked like an ill-conceived pile of crap. So, I didn't really feel bad when my spacecraft, the Eagle-5, needed afterburners, rendering her pitiful little creature headless.

"Didn't your friends get mad at you when you were a kid when you took all their lego pieces?" asked Sagien.
"I need a triangle thingy."
"Jeff."
"What? I didn't have friends -- are you using that piece?"

Just when Sagien broke out the fudgesicles the movie was coming to a close. SPOILER WARNING(?) Dicaprio makes his "last phone call" from a mountain top as dudes with gun advance on him. Who does he call? Jennifer Connely. Apparently they like each other? I dunno. It makes no sense. But he "really wishes" she was there with him -- to be shot, I guess?

Anyway, don't see this movie.

*actual line

Posted by wombat at February 11, 2007 11:16 AM